Thread by @NearlyFarleyArt

Perfectionism and shame are unhealthy coping mechanisms many #adhd folks use to motivate themselves. This article doesn't really give a very concrete solution though. It basically says "stop doing that". Well, we do it because it's what works to hide it. additudemag.com/self-criticism…

Oh God, I totally do all of these.
It talks about stopping this and it's pretty clear why it's emotionally unhealthy and not sustainable, but ok... How am I supposed to "get by" if I'm not utilizing these harmful tricks?
additudemag.com/how-to-motivat…

I read another article today about how Self Compassion/Forgiveness is more productive than shame and guilt but it was not taking into account if this person has ADHD. I'm trying to change because I need to. However, I'm worried what kind of limitations this creates.

ADHD gets positioned so much like the person who has it isn't FKING DROWNING trying to get by because they look bubbly to people. When you have a higher IQ and have it, that can effectively hide it along with harmful coping. You are excelling, but you're also killing yourself.

There's a stereotype of #ADHD being a learning disability, which people attach to a sort of happy-go-lucky 'ignorance is bliss' concept. I've never experienced it as a learning disability. It's been a social one. I was the kid with hands up in class, loudly curious, getting A's.

I was also the kid who was chronically late despite trying very hard, but had perfect attendance. Walked all the way to school without her backpack and didn't notice. Cluttered. ALWAYS did the homework but it was left on the kitchen table.

Often labeled a space cadet. Yet also: careful, deliberate and "mature for her age". This dissonance made folks very hard on me. I was "gifted" so I needed to "grow up". All your potential, if only you weren't so loud when engaged and on "Mars" when you're not. (ie: overwhelmed.)

It's not a matter of poor choices and being inconsiderate when someone with #adhd has trouble with "time blindness". You can force yourself around certain barriers by actively exhausting yourself. Finally everyone stops complaining and you learn that feeling "OK" isn't FOR you.

Fact is: I AM gifted and my #adhd is part of it. It's a superpower, but a balance is struck with idiosyncrasies that make life hard. I accomplish things many people don't because I have hyperfocus driven by passion, but time mgmt & remembering the laundry is extraordinary effort.

When I was in highschool I ironed out some of this stuff with strict organization. I stopped having the tardy problem. Things got very structured and I was able to plan my schedule and my grocery job in a way that worked for me.

I made a habit of finishing large assignments weeks early. I needed those buffers and I was in control of when I worked on it. I didn't try to work on it when it was a bad day, burning myself out. #ADHD makes you a good "sprinter" but in need of a big rest day to stay productive.

So there are ways to make the most out of it. I've done it. As adults, we likely don't have the freedom/structure balance a school setting gives you. I didn't have adult concerns and responsibilities. I believe there is a balance that can be found if I'm mindful of my own needs.

I also typically need a challenge because I will forget it or create a side mission, like, "this needs a better labeling system" to complicate it in order to create an attachment of attention. The hardest things for me to do are too easy because they are "boring".
LAUNDRY!!!!! 😵

Depending on the scenario people see this as going above and beyond or as you are distracted. They are impressed how you're always problem solving and full of ideas to improve. Other people want to know why it's taking you longer and don't care you also created a filing system.🤗

Thing is. Maybe I'm not the best person for your easy task if you don't want it logistically inspected as well. If there is no puzzle, no carrot, my head doesn't make progress. Hence, the "awful tricks" in the article. That's no way to live. I agree.

This is why so many #adhd folks work in fast paced or STEAM careers. We are good at that. The struggle managing the mundane eats away our self esteem. People can't relate to being #neurodiverse. They roll their eyes. They imply you're being lazy or stubborn. You internalize it.

Everyone needs to take care of themselves. It's very easy to task hyperfocus at the detriment of all else. I can be like a dog playing catch in the heat. As long as you keep throwing the ball, I will keep chasing it til I fall from heat exhaustion. Wasn't the dog tired? Probably.

This trait is actually pretty highly praised. It's also well hidden because you still seem wanting, able and ready. It's not on anyone else to say "Uncle" for another person, but a lifetime of being told "you're fine" will create an adult who doesn't understand their own limits.

It's so important people actually educate themselves on what #adhd is, how it actually works, and what it looks like. Stop saying it's not real or "I do things I don't want to do all the time!"
No shit, buddy. We do too. There are healthy ways to, but shame and guilt isn't it.