Some thoughts on this. (THREAD)

In the trans community, some of us refer to passing as "passing privilege." Why? Because it's a fucking privilege, like white privilege is.

Saying that the mere existence of another group endangers that privilege is, therefore, privileged bullshit.

This is a controversial take, but for that reason I am absolutely opposed to the idea of normalizing "passing" at all. If you identify as a woman, you ARE what a woman looks like. Period. Societal expectations of "passing" screen out CIS women, FFS.

To me, passing should never be the goal of transitioning. You transition because you're aligning your mind, body, and soul, not because you want to look like some arbitrary patriarchal standard of beauty. I, for one, didn't traverse hell to transition so I could be a model.

Why does this matter? Because passing, like all privileges, needs to be torn down and destroyed. Passing is a vestige of white supremacist and patriarchal standards of white beauty and race. We saw this with Caster Semenya.

So let me say this again: the very idea of "passing" as a positive norm to aspire to is harmful. It places your self-worth in the hands of other people, using a standard that is deeply sexist and racist. We should be accepting of people AS THEY ARE.

Further, the idea of "passing" feeds into the lie that trans women aren't who we say we are. Every single trans woman is already what a woman looks like BECAUSE WE'RE ALREADY WOMEN. Saying that passing is important is too close to this myth that we're somehow pretending.

So asking for pronouns is, as a general rule, a very GOOD idea. Why? Because humans are, as a group, pretty bad at guessing people's genders whether they're cis or trans. We all saw the viral tweets this past weekend shaming cis women for being trans.

When Contrapoints says asking for pronouns is hard on passing trans women, she's really saying that non-passing trans women and enby people can go fuck themselves so long as it preserves her privilege. That's simply not acceptable.

Tearing down cis privilege means nothing if a select group of us simply coopts it for ourselves. And make no mistake - that's what she's doing with that tweet.

Now, I'm not saying being "stealth" is bad. Many of us, for a variety of reasons (safety), have to be stealth.

But that's not what CP is doing. She's not stealth. She's just claiming to be a better class of trans person. And that is bullshit.

Non-binary, agender, and genderfluid people exist and are valid. They are no less deserving of having their pronouns used and respected.

Non-passing people of all genders exist and are JUST AS VALID AS PASSING PEOPLE. People who don't pass should not be treated differently than people who do. That is, in fact, the entire point!

I mostly pass. I have passing privilege - not always, but often.

I still want to be asked my pronouns. Not because I'm trans, but because EVERYONE should be asked their pronouns. Because I will not accept a privilege for myself that I didn't earn.

Because I will not accept a privilege for myself that others in my community, through no fault of their own, don't have. And I certainly won't accept that privilege at their expense.

Asking me - or any other trans person - what my pronouns are doesn't harm me.

And if it flares my dysphoria, that's work *I* have to do to become more comfortable with myself. It doesn't justify throwing people with less privilege under the bus for my own comfort.

Black trans women in the United States have a life expectancy of 37. I tweet that statistic a lot. Normalizing and accepting Black trans women - and all trans POC - is a necessary part of doubling that number, and that includes pronouns.

So I'd encourage @ContraPoints to reflect on her privilege. We all have privileges, yes even trans people. This was a brutal example of embracing privilege rather than trying to tear it down.

So very few of us have platforms. That's a privilege too.

We should be using them for empathy and good and to lift up the ones amongst us who need it the most. That's non-binary people and trans POC. They need us the most right now.

The question I get asked the most is why I am so public about being trans. The answer is simple: I'm out for those who can't be. Non-binary people and trans POC are literally being murdered by the dozens in this country. The absolute least I can do is stand with them.

And @ContraPoints, you can and should do the same. Put your pronouns back in your bio. Apologize publicly. We all have blind spots when it comes to privilege - I know I do.

Don't throw our own community under the bus to preserve a privilege we neither need nor deserves.

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