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#MrMrsBetterHalf starts at 5 pm WAT. We are discussing "Piece it Together: Dealing with Brokenness."
3. This week’s topic is “Piece it together: dealing with brokenness.” Sometimes, certain twists and turns in our lives reposition us in such a way that we may find it difficult to love or to give love because we are broken. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. Brokenness has adverse effects on relationships and marriages. Brokenness shows itself in various ways – trust issues, anger issues, self-esteem issues, unnecessary aggression or inability to give or receive love. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. It is the very nature of us as human beings to socialize and love, and not operate in isolation. Love makes us thrive, it heals us, drives us and fuels our very core. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. We are all creatures of love but the capacity to demonstrate or receive love may be gradually whittled away by our different life experiences. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. The capacity to give or receive love is groomed from the level of the family. Parents are obliged to raise their children in love and acquaint them with what this involves. Children who enjoy this benefit thrive visibly. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. If you didn’t have this kind of upbringing or encountered brokenness some other way, dealing with brokenness will help you become a solid person who in turns builds healthy relationships. A solid person is stable, secure, reliable, strong & emotionally whole. #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. What happens many times is that people tend to move on to new relationships after a break up without pausing to analyze what went wrong or properly heal from a heartbreak. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. When you go into a new relationship, you’re hoping that this person is emotionally whole and not an emotional wreck. You should have it at the back of your mind that the person you start to date or get married to also expects the same. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. Being solid isn’t being perfect, none of us is. We are all vessels; some are broken, some are leaking. No one wants to be with a person that’s leaking – of insecurities, anger, trust issues and so on. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. If you are broken, you should make efforts to heal, not just place a bandage on it. Covering something up doesn’t mean it will heal if you are not treating it as you should. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. There are some imperfections that God wants us to tackle on our own. He has given us the strength and wisdom to handle them effectively before they wreak serious havoc. He, therefore, wants us to take responsibility for them. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. But He is also aware that we may be plagued by some weaknesses that transcend our earthly capacity. These weaknesses are like sugar that attracts ants. They need to be exposed and frontloaded to Him, in order for us to receive grace. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. They help us refocus our attention to God and acknowledge our insignificance in the grand scheme of things. When we hide these weaknesses, we shield them from the grace that will solve them. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. You can be broken without even realizing that you are. Your ‘normal’ can be ‘abnormal’ to those around you. You may even put your loved ones in danger through brokenness that you are unaware of. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. For instance, I grew up in a polygamous home and we used to quarrel a lot amongst ourselves; my wife, on the other hand, grew up in a close-knit nuclear family and wasn’t used to my sometimes-aggressive ways of dealing with issues when we first got married. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. If you're single, it is crucial to face your brokenness & fix it head-on. Many people find themselves in marriages where a partner lacks trust or broken. Some are broken to give or receive love, & anyone seen doing this is viewed with deep-seated scepticism. #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. Why should you fix your brokenness? 1) Marriage will not automatically heal your brokenness. A lot of people think their issues will go away when they get married - it doesn’t happen like that. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. If anything, marriage will amplify your brokenness. If you are lonely and you think getting married will solve the problem, it won’t! There are married lonely people. You can be in a room full of people and still be lonely. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. 2) Marriage won’t fix bad financial management. If you cannot be trusted with your money or other people’s funds, you’d be wrong to think that your husband or wife will make up for your excesses. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. If you cannot save, or take your eyes off a credit card, or say no to buying a new pair of shoes or a shirt or a car, marriage won’t make it disappear. You’ll find yourself spending money meant for family projects on irrelevant things. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. 3) Emotional immaturity evidenced by self-esteem issues, anger, violence, moodiness and so on will wreak havoc in your marriage. Your spouse cannot regulate your emotions for you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. You sometimes hear of couples who quarrel while driving and one of them pulls over and asks the other to get off! The kind of anger that will make you put your loved ones at risk without caring comes from brokenness. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. The moment you let your emotions rule you as a married person, you make your spouse a parent, not a partner to you. This is because she or he has to babysit you and manage your excesses. You should be a blessing, not a liability. #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. 4) Poor sexuality management. If you can’t manage your sexuality as a single person, you will cheat when you get married. Lack of sexual discipline will show up when you are married – temptations won’t disappear just because you said: “I do”. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. On the other hand, if you are married and wondering if you or your partner is broken, here are some tell-tale signs: competition between spouses, jealousy, paranoia and suspicion, hiding money or investments from each other. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. Inability to stand each other’s weaknesses, poor handling of delays such as conception, economic progress etc. or using children to compensate for lack of love from one’s husband or wife instead of addressing the issue at hand. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. Relationships and marriages are sometimes broken because they are premised on entirely wrong notions. A marriage with broken people cannot be peaceful until something is done by the parties. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. Do not hide or romance your weaknesses. Do not lose the capacity to empathize with your partner. God did not create you to be bitter or broken. He wants you to take responsibility and fix the weaknesses that can be fixed on your own. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. Have you done something that is eroding your capacity to love? God wants you to own up to them - you cannot be lugging this baggage around and expect to find peace. Allow God to intervene. #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. It is not the will of God for marriages to come to an untimely end or that we ignore our brokenness. He wants us to recognize our brokenness. He does not want us to be focused on our partner’s weaknesses while becoming completely oblivious of ours. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. Take responsibility in order to create an atmosphere of healing, forgiveness & restoration. Avoid being judgmental against your spouse/anyone else for that matter. Engage in constructive criticisms, growth, accountability & positively challenging each other. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. Be ruthlessly honest about your brokenness. Make your own healing a priority. Get introspective, analyze the past and seek counsel. The only thing worse than being a single broken person is to be a married broken person. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. Whether you are single or married, the way to deal with brokenness is to own up, speak up and take it to the cross. God wants to take away the stench and the stone, He wants to intervene in your brokenness. #MrMrsBetterHalf
36. I hope this has been helpful to you. I will be back next week with another topic. Until then, thanks for following, participating an RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
