"We started #ServerlessConf because we believe that this is the future." He's briefly interrupted by a Kubernetes protestor who is bundled out of the room and beaten in a back alley.
"Yesterday we hosted the #serverlessconf hackathon for public good" ignoring that many teams built panopticon-style terrifyingly Orwellian things because engineers + big public data sets can only ever possibly be a net positive for society.
Slight correction: #serverlessconf features 56 expert speakers plus me. 
Now talking about the CoC. This is a good thing and I am suspending snark for this tweet. #Serverlessconf
In lieu of speaker gifts they're donating to three great foundations, made better by fact that none are the @CloudNativeFdn.
This is wonderful. I don't need another custom water bottle I won't use. #serverlessconf
This is wonderful. I don't need another custom water bottle I won't use. #serverlessconf
"Thanks to our amazing sponsors who made this event possible," as well as @ibm who apparently got lost on their way to a Gartner conference. #serverlessconf
Feedback is super important, use the link below or the #serverlessconf hashtag.
Because the best feedback is funny, insulting, and 280 characters or less.
Because the best feedback is funny, insulting, and 280 characters or less.
And with "an event guru" the term guru jumps the shark. #Serverlessconf
There will be a reception this evening. If AT&T is sponsoring it it'll be a terrible reception. #serverlessconf
And now, the Valuenote speaker, @swardley takes the stage!
"Just call me the guy who provides death by powerpoint."
"I SEE YOU, QUINN." #serverlessconf
"Just call me the guy who provides death by powerpoint."
"I SEE YOU, QUINN." #serverlessconf
Mapping is @swardley's specialty, meaning that if he ever gets lost again he'll never live it down. #Serverlessconf
Now talking about Linux distros. The audience of 20-year-olds wonders whether they've stumbled into the past. #serverlessconf
"Let's start with strategy." Accenture employees perk up, unaware what's coming next. #Serverlessconf
I slipped into a coma from this slide. #serverlessconf
And @swardley uses "Kubernetes" as a punchline.
It's way less funny when it comes from your CTO. #serverlessconf
It's way less funny when it comes from your CTO. #serverlessconf
Strategy mad-libs. "I sent these around. I got feedback. 'How'd you get our business plan.'" @swardley #serverlessconf
This is awesome for filler in thin reports, too. #serverlessconf
