Thread by @happierman

so i found a copy of PILLSBURY's MEAT COOK BOOK from 1970, and let me tell you that food photography has come a long fucking way (thread)

this is steak lorraine, distinguished by its glistening, 5w30 mushroom-motor oil sauce

and here we have a rolled rib roast. the trick to this recipe, and all recipes in this book: COOK UNTIL BEIGE

this dish is literally called "pot-roast in foil" probably because you don't want it to touch plates you'll want to actually eat off of later

i won't make fun of a dish called "new england boiled dinner" bc i don't believe in punching down. but i have one question: "what exactly is the shining flesh lump that has been stabbed?"

according to Pillsbury, if you look directly at the "citrus simmered steak" you die 7 days later.

they call this one simply: Meatloaf. but i think Satan's Ball Bit is much catchier

i know 2019 has been a cultural and political shit show, but in 1970 pillsbury was legally allowed to call this lasagna. we've come a long way, baby

have you ever cooked ribs like this because you knew you were going to die someday?

ingredients: cubed ham, celery, cherry pie filling, cloves, pillsbury biscuits #nofilter #hustle

stab it with your steely knives, but you just can't kill the beast (i won't tell you want this unctuous lump is, because i want to protect you)

in 1970 no one looked down their nose if you went to mcdonalds. it's because this is what was waiting at home.

when you think lunch meats, please also think grisly murder in the walk-in.

what a pastoral and romantic picnic! it reminds me of a line from a Robert Browning poem:
"Then came some palsied oak, a cleft in him/
Like a distorted mouth that splits its rim/
Gaping at death, and dies while it recoils."

i'll leave you with this, my favorite: Hearty Ham 'n Bean Soup. or as i like to call it "Cuervo Consequences"

wait! there's this photo. i cannot tell what is happening here, and there is no caption for it at all! it's under a recipe for lamb shanks with vegetables. help! and by help i don't mean tell me what it is. i mean cut my eyes out of my face.