Thread by @gregeganSF

A Lithuanian nun is searching a junkyard in Alberta for spare parts for her soul.

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A 17th century caliph covets a clockwork bird that only eats parables.

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An Instagram influencer persuades a plastic surgeon to excise all the vacuum between the Earth and the Moon.

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A Calabrian scribe decides to copy the Bardo Thodol onto a cornfield in Kansas, using only tornadoes.

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A duchess needs the milk of a thousand doves to make a hand cream that dissolves paradoxes.

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A fortune teller convinces a dying gigolo to seduce all the notes on a harpsichord.

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The Queen of Leap Years declares war on the prime numbers, but her castle is besieged by semicolons.

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The Platonic ideal of Sadness is fatally injured by an inebriated driver in Las Vegas whose mother crafted Elvis Presley out of mashed potatoes.

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The Doge of Venice built a microprocessor that performs arithmetic with rabbits’ tears.

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A Cabramatta poet invents a word that renders those who read it blind to all emoji.

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An airline pilot learns that Banksy controls the shape of his varicose veins, and when he tries to sell them, the artist shuts off power to the auction house freezer.

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Hackers replace everyone’s teeth with the bristles from the last 32 toothbrushes they owned.

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A tadpole tricks a magpie into proof-reading the internet.

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