I have a lot of what I call dumb unluck. Where I make a decision, a seemingly inconsequential one, and then something goes horrible wrong.
Driving to NYC instead of flying to save money. My van was broken into and over $600 worth of stuff was stolen.
Things of that nature.
Driving to NYC instead of flying to save money. My van was broken into and over $600 worth of stuff was stolen.
Things of that nature.
But last night make take the cake.
Stopped for dinner at an amazing Indian restaurant in Dublin and noticed that there was a post office down the street. I sell stuff on eBay and needed to ship things. I'm exhausted after a long weekend of Sabres and Bills games but I figure I'll get the shipping over with.
Go to use the self shipping kiosk like I've done a thousand times before. Place the first envelope on the scale. The others on top of the machine like I usually do. Punch in the address. Go to set my phone down on the other envelopes like I usually do to not affect the weight.
Now usually the machine is flush against the wall of the kiosk. Would be impossible for something to fall behind it.
Usually
The Dublin post office machine is different. For some reason it's pulled away from the wall. Things could easily fall behind it. They have.
And they did
Usually
The Dublin post office machine is different. For some reason it's pulled away from the wall. Things could easily fall behind it. They have.
And they did
I go to grab my phone and the next envelope and watch them drop like Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka.
This damn space. Why? Why? The machine was clearly supposed to be against the wall and once was.
This damn space. Why? Why? The machine was clearly supposed to be against the wall and once was.
My phone was now stuck behind the machine. One that is, I'd soon discover, bolted to the floor. (and inches from where it's supposed to be.)
I can see it but my fat arms won't be able to reach it. I'd need Manute Bol arms to get it. Not happening.
I can see it but my fat arms won't be able to reach it. I'd need Manute Bol arms to get it. Not happening.
My van has everything in it. I can be a regular MacGyver if I have to. Start going through everything to assess what I have.
Marshmelllow roasting sticks? Maybe if I bend them just right I can hook it.
I can't. Not long enough.
Marshmelllow roasting sticks? Maybe if I bend them just right I can hook it.
I can't. Not long enough.
Trekking pole! Adjustable length. Press the phone against the machine and pull up.
Nope. Cant get leverage.
Nope. Cant get leverage.
Magnets! I've got a bunch of magnets. There's a metal plate on the back of my phone. Oh wait! I've got the mount I use for my phone in the van.
Tied a rope to it. Drop it. Got it! It's coming!
*clunk clunk*
It hits the a horizontal divider. Falls.
Tied a rope to it. Drop it. Got it! It's coming!
*clunk clunk*
It hits the a horizontal divider. Falls.
I need a stronger magnet. I have those. Attach them to the first magnet. Down they go.
*thunk thunk*
They're too strong. They stick to the machibe which is all metal. They're gone.
I need something sturdier to prevent the magnets from swinging.
Run to Walmart.
*thunk thunk*
They're too strong. They stick to the machibe which is all metal. They're gone.
I need something sturdier to prevent the magnets from swinging.
Run to Walmart.
Pick up an adjustable length window car squeegee. And a set of special screwdrivers just in case.
Magnet gets tales to the pole. It works. But it's the wrong angle. Can't pull it past that horizontal divider.
Add a second magnet on an angle to hopefully roll it onto.
*THUNK*
Magnet gets tales to the pole. It works. But it's the wrong angle. Can't pull it past that horizontal divider.
Add a second magnet on an angle to hopefully roll it onto.
*THUNK*
Magnets are now too strong and stuck behind the machine because I didn't use enough tape.
Change to a different thinner rope and car mount.
Holy shit it's coming up.
Shit. The magnets are in the way. They knock the phone off. It falls into a different gap.
Change to a different thinner rope and car mount.
Holy shit it's coming up.
Shit. The magnets are in the way. They knock the phone off. It falls into a different gap.
This is where I start to say "screw mail tampering" and go in. Start unscrewing the base. Maybe I'll be able to just reach my hand through.
Nope. It's a solid sheet of metal.
More importantly I discovered the reason I couldn't slide the machine is its bolted in place.
Nope. It's a solid sheet of metal.
More importantly I discovered the reason I couldn't slide the machine is its bolted in place.
Not sure why. It doesn't collect money. It only prints postage. You can't steal stamps or anything. It's too large to remove without heavy equipment.
I give up. I started at 6ish. It's now 11:30. I leave a note for the postmaster on the back door explaining the situation especially if s/he watches the comedy unfolding on the cameras.
I mean I had a stepstool involved at this point as well.
Say I'll be back in the morning.
I mean I had a stepstool involved at this point as well.
Say I'll be back in the morning.
Sleep some place down a dark street in Dublin. It's quiet until this morning when I discover I'm in the middle of an office park. Not that it matters. I can't fall asleep.
They don't open until 9:30 so I hang out in the parking lot from 8:00 on. Secretly hoping they have some magical key that will save me $1500 and get me my pictures back.
They don't.
They do have Bill though. Bill helps me a little bit but gets called away to another city.
They don't.
They do have Bill though. Bill helps me a little bit but gets called away to another city.
No one else in the post office cares. I'm about to give up. Then I think, the police often deal with lockouts. Maybe they have something that can reach it. They don't. The administrative woman actually whispers
"I don't like to say this but I think you need the fire department"
"I don't like to say this but I think you need the fire department"
Of course! Why didn't I think of the real heroes. My dad is a fifty year plus volunteer fire fighter. I've heard hundreds of stories of them helping idiots like me.
Ask for directions since, well, I can't look it up on my phone. They're just around the corner.
But they're not
Ask for directions since, well, I can't look it up on my phone. They're just around the corner.
But they're not
That's the administrative offices and they're under construction. Can't find their actual place. I drive around and finally come across Alameda County FD Station 16.
The door's locked. Shit. I walk around back. The captain comes out. Two of his young guys follow.
The door's locked. Shit. I walk around back. The captain comes out. Two of his young guys follow.
"So I don't know how to say this without coming across as an idiot.." and I explain the situation.
"We'll take a look."
We may just get somewhere.
"We'll take a look."
We may just get somewhere.
"Do you have any pictures?“ one of the young guys asked.
Now I don't want to be a dick but I couldn't pass this up.
"Yeah they're on my phone."
"Oh right."
Now I don't want to be a dick but I couldn't pass this up.
"Yeah they're on my phone."
"Oh right."
They offer to meet me at the post office and I just assume that they'll just show up in one their small response vehicles.
Of course I forgot that they can't do that. They need to bring a full size truck in case they get called to something more important than me the idiot.
Of course I forgot that they can't do that. They need to bring a full size truck in case they get called to something more important than me the idiot.
So a team of three including the captain rolls up in a full size engine to remove a cell phone from behind a post office self service kiosk.
They get out their tools. The ones they use to rescue people from wrecked cars and burning houses. I offer my home made collection plus magnets.
The four of us put our heads together. Create new tools. The two young guys got this. They're going all in on it like it's a serious problem. There is serious planning going on.
They manged to get it over to the side of the machine where they can reach it with a second tool through the side. Wedges are inserted to hold it up as the prybar slowly lifts it up. Almost there.
Now is where I'm tell you I'm tweeting from my phone. They got it out.
Firefighters are the best and all the divisions of the California FD are amazing. They risk their lives every single day fighting the most dangerous wild fires in the world and still have time, with zero hesitation, to help an idiot. Thank you @AlamedaCoFire Station 16.
The screen's cracked. The case is broken but I don't have to spend $1000 on a new phone and didn't lose all my photos.
And that's why I'm sending a bunch of pizza over to the station. Or I will be once I figure out how to deliver some not through door dash. Screw tech culture!
And that's why I'm sending a bunch of pizza over to the station. Or I will be once I figure out how to deliver some not through door dash. Screw tech culture!
@threadreaderapp unroll
5 hours later I have a phone with a non cracked screen. Bless you insurance. I knew I got you for a reason.
ICYMI and you love when everything goes wrong or you dislike me but also like happy endings.
One more time because I still can't believe this happened.
