The dominant narrative on friendship seems to be 'it's so hard to make good friends after 30!'
But that hasn't been the case for me.
If you're interested, here's my tried and tested advice for building and sustaining close friendships in your 30s, thread:
But that hasn't been the case for me.
If you're interested, here's my tried and tested advice for building and sustaining close friendships in your 30s, thread:
1. Show up
Show up for that gallery opening, the kids birthday, the dinner you scheduled in two weeks ago. Unreliability kills friendships like nothing else, so don't flake, don't ignore texts, don't cancel last minute.
Show up for that gallery opening, the kids birthday, the dinner you scheduled in two weeks ago. Unreliability kills friendships like nothing else, so don't flake, don't ignore texts, don't cancel last minute.
2. Be authentic
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't play it cool if you're not cool. Don't feign indifference when you're burning up with care. Talk it out. Get comfortable with expressing vulnerability and true emotions.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't play it cool if you're not cool. Don't feign indifference when you're burning up with care. Talk it out. Get comfortable with expressing vulnerability and true emotions.
3. Notice I said 'be authentic', which is different from 'be honest'
No, I'm not advocating lies. I'm advocating tact. 'I was just being honest' is often used by ppl as an excuse to be an asshole. Don't be an asshole. Be gentle, watch your tone.
No, I'm not advocating lies. I'm advocating tact. 'I was just being honest' is often used by ppl as an excuse to be an asshole. Don't be an asshole. Be gentle, watch your tone.
4. Protect your boundaries
Feel free to let people know what your limits are. Practice in front of a mirror if you must. Don't overcommit financial, emotional or $$$ resources. Learn to say no or offer alternatives. This will help manage resentment and build mutual respect.
Feel free to let people know what your limits are. Practice in front of a mirror if you must. Don't overcommit financial, emotional or $$$ resources. Learn to say no or offer alternatives. This will help manage resentment and build mutual respect.
5. Work on yourself
By the time you hit 30 you've got some unlearning to do. Reflect on yourself, go to therapy, identify your patterns and work on breaking them. Your relationships will improve drastically. Brighter and better people will enter your life.
By the time you hit 30 you've got some unlearning to do. Reflect on yourself, go to therapy, identify your patterns and work on breaking them. Your relationships will improve drastically. Brighter and better people will enter your life.
6. Learn how to apologise
Drop that 'I'm sorry you felt hurt' BS. Don't pussyfoot around the apology. Say it straight: 'I'm sorry I hurt you and I apologise.'
Drop that 'I'm sorry you felt hurt' BS. Don't pussyfoot around the apology. Say it straight: 'I'm sorry I hurt you and I apologise.'
7. But also, before you demand an apology, assess whether it was really that big a deal
In our 30s we only have room for so much drama. If you can let a thing go without it hardening your heart, let it go. If not, dive in.
In our 30s we only have room for so much drama. If you can let a thing go without it hardening your heart, let it go. If not, dive in.
8. Respect your friend's achievements even if you can't relate.
Your BFF is making a big deal of her company hitting 10k likes on Facebook while your 10mo baby just took his first steps. Both joys are valid. Proceed as such.
Your BFF is making a big deal of her company hitting 10k likes on Facebook while your 10mo baby just took his first steps. Both joys are valid. Proceed as such.
9. Become the friend you wish you had
Are you looking for a 'fun friend'? Be her. Do you need more stability in your relationships? Become your own rock. Like attracts like, so look in the mirror first.
Are you looking for a 'fun friend'? Be her. Do you need more stability in your relationships? Become your own rock. Like attracts like, so look in the mirror first.
10. Value yourself enough to know it's okay to walk away.
Friendships can be toxic too. Pay attention to your feelings, to your body. If someone consistently makes you feel anxious, ashamed, sad or bad, re-evaluate your relationship. Take some space. Put your safety first.
Friendships can be toxic too. Pay attention to your feelings, to your body. If someone consistently makes you feel anxious, ashamed, sad or bad, re-evaluate your relationship. Take some space. Put your safety first.
