Thread by @nerdymedzebra

It's more clear than ever that my mom is autistic AF. But she presents so utterly different than me and my kid it's bizaare.

But also super frustrating bc well, as my also #ActuallyAutistic bf said today,

"I can't tell if your mom is just always very angry and resentful or if she's just too autistic to realize she always comes off that way when she talks, aka yells, at people."

Like, she's always way loud and verbally agressive which seems angry.

As I told bf,

"Yes. Both, because she often comes off that way, and then IS ~always angry and resentful because everyone always thinks she is & she gets pissed.

And she gets mad/anxious many times a day to the point of verbal aggression from misunderstanding everyone else around her too."

But also this is why I am super good at reading the most super subtle changes in a person's nonverbal communication (and verbal too) because I had to rely on tiny subconscious signs to figure out what was really going on to try to avoid triggering her full meltdowns.

Poor bf. He's constantly overwhelmed by my mom bc she talks loudly/aggro nonstop&you can't get a word in edgewise but he's also just way more sensitive to noise chaos than me in general. The rest of my fam are more chill but not by much. This must be hell for him. :-x

Poor mom too ofc. Her anxiety powers most? of this. I wish she'd try meds. But I'd be shocked if she ever did.

But it's weird to figure out how to rewrite my narrative of my childhood (we just screamed at each other in constant meltdown the whole time) in light of autism/anxiety