Thread by @Realoilsheikh

THE INHUMAN BEHAVIOR OF ABSTAINING FROM ONE'S WIFE & STARVING HER SEXUALLY

In his Majmoo‘ al-Fatawa volume 32, da page 271, Sheikul Islam Ibn Taimiyya (RH) was asked with regards to a man who abstain from his wife for 1 or 2 months, & does not have intercourse with her.

He said:

"It is obligatory for the man to have intercourse with his wife on a reasonable basis, & this is one of the most important rights that she has over him; it is more important than feeding her. With regard to obligatory intercourse, according to one view, it is obligatory

(at least) once every 4 months; according to another view, it should be according to her need & his ability, just as he should feed her according to her need & his ability. The latter is the more correct of the two opinions."

This suggests that the way he must strive to provide

feeding as an obligation, he must as well strive to be medically, physically & mentally OK to satisfy the sexual needs of his wife. This right is often abandoned by many men nowadays, hiding behind the excuses that they're too busy to provide food & meet up with the financial

needs of the family. Meeting up with the financial needs isn't as important as meeting up with her sexual needs, so long as she is in need of it. We must uphold to the balance that Allaah (SWT) created us for. We are a balanced Ummah. We must exhibit in everything we do.

Both spouses should keenly fulfill the rights of each other & be dutiful to one another. Be Thankful to one another, he for the provision to the family, and she for keeping up the family, in an atmosphere of love, romance & mutual understanding to one another.

Allah (SWT) said:

“And live with them honourably”

[an-Nisa’ 4:19].

Living with spouses honorably means doing exactly what honor comes with. Respecting your wives, honoring them, listening to them, protecting them, providing for them & be there at all times you are needed.

Allah says: “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”

[Baqarah 2:228].

It is a contract of love not slavery.

The scholars unanimously agree that it is Haram for a husband to stay away from his wife for a long period (some say three months, & some say for any period she will consider being sexually starved), so long as she is being obedient, not defiant to the laws of Allah & his rights.

In a case where she is defiant to the laws of Allah & rights of the husband, the shari'a permits him to abstain from her for some time as a punishment until she corrects the wrong doings & uphold to the rules of Allah (SWT). This in accordance to the verse in Surah an-Nisa’ 4:34.

For a person who refuses to have intercourse with his wife – if she is not defiantly disobedient – for four months comes under the same ruling as one who swore an oath (called eela’) not to have sexual relations with his wife (As in Baqarah 2:226);

he should be instructed (by the qaadi or judge) either to have intercourse with her or to divorce her, and if he refuses to divorce her, then the qaadi may issue a ruling of divorce & she ceases to be his wife.

Islam does not accept any form of maltreatment of one's wife.