When my kids were little, aged 4 & 5, it was our first Christmas with me as single mom. I had just completed a hard semester of nursing school (they're all hard - I know!) and we were making the 7 hour car ride to visit family for the holidays...
It was one of my first times driving on the 401 (busiest hwy in North America), and my kids in the backseat fighting over the imaginary friend was not helping my stress levels. 🤯
I yelled at them to settle down.
To my surprise, they both fell asleep
I yelled at them to settle down.
To my surprise, they both fell asleep
My daughter, 5 years old at the time, woke up a while later, "Mommy I'm sorry we were being bad"
My heart shattered. I'd been trying so hard to hold it together since my summer divorce, to keep my grades up but mostly to be a good mom. This was all for them.
My heart shattered. I'd been trying so hard to hold it together since my summer divorce, to keep my grades up but mostly to be a good mom. This was all for them.
Being a mom is selfless, being a student is selfish and trying to be both is exhausting. Add the stress of navigating a divorce, new town and new school for my littles and the past 4 months had been a complete blur.
I just needed to get to family. We were so close.
I just needed to get to family. We were so close.
After the tiny heartfelt apology burrowed it's way into my heart I pulled it together to respond, "you're not bad at all! I'm sorry I yelled at you... Mommy shouldn't have done that"
Then my daughter said something that to this day gives me chills: "Mommy when I was sleeping an angel came to visit me. He said that this is a really hard time for you and we need to try extra hard to be good listeners"
I could hardly see through my tears.
I could hardly see through my tears.
And you know what? We got to the homestead and had a lovely visit. I slept a great deal, my kids still bickered but it didn't phase me. They built snow forts and drank hot chocolate and stayed up late while my sister told them stories. I knew we were going to be ok.
And you mom's out there, I'm talking to you single moms/dad's especially, maybe an angel hasn't visited your kid but you are going to be ok. And in those times when nobody is telling you you are doing a good job, just remember you are doing a great job.
When you stress because you think you aren't enough for your family... Just know you are EVERYTHING to your family.
And this time of year when it's hard and overwhelming, focus on memories. I sit & laugh with my adult children who don't remember the gifts.
And this time of year when it's hard and overwhelming, focus on memories. I sit & laugh with my adult children who don't remember the gifts.
They remember I was there. I was trying. I was a hot mess but I was honest about it. And that selflessness of being a mom (or dad!) is our greatest gift we can give.
You got this.
You got this.
