Thread by @JAEbberts

One hot parenting take for each like.

https://twitter.com/jcbonthedl/status/1207827481845280769

Put down a fresh diaper before you remove the dirty one.

Kids wont fill the void left by your own parents.

You're going to screw up. All of your children will at some point hate your stinking guts. Make it count.

Praise, then shut up.

An allowance fosters entitlement. Chores are expected because you eat sleep and poop in the same space as everyone else.

Your children will reconcile their views of how the world works to your example in the home.

Your children are more likely to be sexually abused under your own roof than anywhere else.

Teach your children the correct terms for their body parts. Penis, vagina, etc.

When they show up calling it their "special purpose" or talking about "secret touch" you'll know you need to investigate

Regular bedtimes are important. Quit letting your kids stay up all night with blue light.

Cell phones are a great tool and your kids are going to use them eventually. Teach them responsible use now, and for heavens sake dont let them take them to bed with them.

Kids want to work. You have a crucial window between 8-12 years old to instil a work ethic. If you miss it, better go ahead and clear some space in the basement for your failures to launch.

Make them earn video games and limit the time they're allowed to play.

Your child doesnt have ADHD.

Everyone believes their child is a genius.

96% of you are wrong.

They're human beings. They dont represent you any more than you represent your own parents. Allow them some autonomy of identity.

Raising little boys is a hell of a lot easier than raising little girls.

Your spouse comes first.

Ring and Nest monitors are no substitute for being physically present in the home while your child sleeps and thinking you can slide out for a moment and "keep an eye on them" is irresponsible

Thinking you can reason with a child and then getting frustrated makes YOU look like the irrational one.

Dont ask them if they did something if you all ready know they did. Dont set them up to lie to you.

Consequences should be as natural as possible.

Taking away the phone because they hit a sibling doesnt make any sense.

DO NOT label your kids. There is no "funny one" "smart one" or "cute one"

Oppositional Defiant Disorder is what we sometimes refer to in the business as

"Little Shit Syndrome"

It's usually a problem with the home, not the child.

"They're just doing it for attention" is often tossed around as a way to dismiss a child's actions.

The problem here is that it's usually true. And if it's TRUE, why do they need attention? Perhaps yours isnt as adequate as you assume

This will be the image called to memory when your child reflects on his relationship with you.

A pizza cutter is way more efficient for cutting peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Not feeding your kids peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches is responsible parenting.

Plan for dinner together, as a family, every night if the week at the same time. Make it important. Make it a priority.

Spend time with each of your kids, one-on-one, doing something you like to do together. Make it their thing with you and do it often.

Teach your kids CPR and first aid.

Put a GPS on their phones and shamelessly verify they're where they say they are

Avoid characterizing your child's actions as "nasty" "bad" "gross" etc.

Just because your children are well behaved doesnt mean you're doing a bang up job as a parent. Some kids are good for the sake of being good and despite your lack of input.

34. I should have been numbering these tweets.

35. Pray for patience in the morning

Ask forgiveness in the evening.

Repeat.

36. Those behavior problems are probably your fault.

37. Your children need solid sleep, and lots of it. Dragging your kids to Wal-Mart at 10pm is contributing to their behavioral issues.

38. Give your kids a religion. Give them a moral framework.

39. Dont lead with threats or spankings. There is no where to escalate to from there but straight up violence or vindictiveness, both of which will destroy any hope for a relationship

40. How you treat your spouse will teach your kids more about what they should expect from a relationship than any amount of lecturing.

41. Fathers: you are a stand-in for God.

If you want your kids to believe in a loving, patient and encourage God, be that kind of dad.

If you want your kids to believe in a vindictive, petty and punitive God, be a dick.

42. DO NOT use your children as emotional sounding boards. Your sensitive and supportive son is not your therapist and is not responsible for your feelings. Talk to a peer, dont put that on a child.

43. Avoid saying things like "you make me so angry" or "you make me so happy"

It implies they have a power (and responsibility) for others' emotions and emotional wellbeing

44. Hug your kids. Tell them you love them. Tell them how much they mean to you and encourage them to share how they feel often, even if its uncomfortable for you.

45. Their testing and bucking of your rules and restrictions is normal. It usually means they're ready for more autonomy and trust, not that they want to make you miserable

46. Your plans for their lives mean absolutely dick. They will eventually be allowed to make their own decisions and if you have insisted hard enough, they may go the opposite way out of spite.

47. Imaginary friends are not something to worry about. They'll grow out of it.

48. Teach them how to apologize. Follow the apology model;

"I'm sorry for..."

"This is wrong because..."

"In the future I will..."

"Will you forgive me?"

Use this model when you owe them an apology as well.

49. Own your mistakes honestly. If you fly off the handle and are inappropriate, tell them. Show them it's ok to make mistakes, reassure them of your love for them and teach them how to resolve conflict.

50. A boy's interest in his moms shoes or sisters toys means absolutely nothing about his sexuality or identity.

51. Be on the same page with your spouse. Back each other up and support each others decisions. Dont allow the kids to divide and conquer.

52. Most of your instincts are crap and statements like "you're his mother, you know what's best" is terrible advice.

53. Dont impose stupid fad diets on your children. They burn way more calories than you do in a day. They're allowed to carb up.

54. No names are "taken". Name your kid whatever you want to name them.

55. Plan game, activity or movie nights. Make them consistent. Make them fun. Spend the time, even if you dont want to.

56. Cosleeping is stupid and dangerous and unless they have a medical condition requiring it, it's about your own attachment issues.

57. Your kids are absolutely going to embarrass you, but that can not be the reason they get consequences.

58. Dont give them the popular toys and games just because the other kids have them. Let them want for some things and learn to be comfortable not fitting in

59. Children are a gift from God and the closest thing we have to God-like responsibility in this life.

60. You fathers think that busting your butt 80 hours a week to provide a "good life" for your kids is going to be enough to prove to them that you care and you were there.

They dont care about that. What will stand out is how often you weren't there.

61. You will be the subject of 90% of your kids' therapy sessions.

62. You dont get to be friends with your children until they're adults.

63. Draw the line with trivial things as far away from the actual red line as possible.
Then, as they fight for their freedoms, you can give them small victories without giving up the farm.

64. Be an active family. Take walks together, get the kids in sports, and work around the house together. Help them develop physically and give them the confidence to perform work.

65. Praise efforts, not outcomes.

66. Fear is only an effective motivator while you're around. When you're gone theyll be right back to doing what they want, and it comes at the cost of your relationship

67. Allow your children to explore their own hobbies, even if they seem weird or silly to you. It's ok if they dont like the same things you do.

68. If you're going to use "time out", make sure it's appropriate to the age and attention span of the child. 1 minute per years old is a good rule of thumb.

69. When you come home from work, leave work at the door. Your children are entitled to your full time and attention.

70. Wrestle with your kids, especially your sons. Physical rough play is important for their development

71. Exacting a "dad tax" is totally acceptable.

72. Tuck your kids in at night whenever possible. Never let them go to bed thinking you dont love them, or even like them.

73. There is a special place in hell for spouses who turn their kids against each other, especially through a divorce.

74. All children who go through a divorce are going to have strong feelings about it one way or the other, and will someday have to reconcile that. Thinking you can put them through that unscathed is ridiculous.

75. "Counseling" for children doesnt really accomplish what a lot of people expect it to accomplish. Its basic skills training that they often ignore anyway. Their minds change so much over time that it's probably more comfort to the family than it is helpful to the child

76. Counseling is SOMETIMES, however, very effective for certain kids and situations. Especially when there has been trauma

77. No child is a "problem child".

78. This is an important reminder as I continue. Your unique experiences with the things listed here do not define the pattern.

79. There is no one right answer for anything, but especially for how to raise a child.

80. Allow your children some creative expression in their choice clothing, hairstyles Etc

81. Force as much outside play as possible.

82. Dont be super quick to solve your kids' problems. Allow them to work out as much of it as possible

83. Dont mock your children, even if they're being totally ridiculous. You're still the adult

84. A pizza cutter also works amazingly well on pancakes and waffles too

85. Its ok to color-code all your kids' stuff like cups, toothbrushes, etc. If fact, if you have more than 2 kids you probably should be doing that

86. They're not going to magically learn how to brush their teeth, or wipe their butts. You've gotta teach them these important hygiene practices over and over and over again

87. No one is going to advocate for your kids like you will. This is not something you can outsource.

88. How you respond to a child's bid for attention matters. It will ultimately make or break the relationship.

Always turn towards a bid.

89. Kids are entitled to a mom AND a dad.

90. Dont ask your children to do anything you're not willing to do yourself.

91. Holiday myths and fables are perfectly fine to share with your kids.

Unless they're cognitively delayed, they will figure out the Easter Bunny isnt real. You'll be fine, theyll be fine. Everything will be fine.

92. Dont ask your little kids why they did something. They have no clue, they're emotional, not rational.

93. Its ok to set a baby down who is crying and making you crazy. Set him down and take a break.

94. Do your darndest to show up for school functions where parents are specifically invited to be with their kids.

The look on a kids face when their parent doesnt show up is one of the most horrible things on earth.

95. Breast is best.

96. Your children want more siblings, so give them some!

97. Glitter slime is not your friend. In fact, glitter in general is a bad idea if you value cleanliness

98. Involve your kids in you charitable giving and volunteering. Let them experience the joy that comes from serving others.

99. Make a big deal about their birthdays.

I dont mean gifts and parties, but make a big deal about how glad you are that they were born and have come to your family.

100. NEVER SPANK out of anger.

For most of you that means never spank.

101. Try not to let your kids hear you talking crap about other people in their lives.

102. Most of what screws us up, does so in the first 8-10 years of our lives.

This is your window as a parent to equip them rather than hinder them

103. Vaccinate your kids, but only if you like them.

104. Kids who are secure in their families can endure whatever bullying the kids at school can throw at them.

105. Public school is usually NOT the best option.

106. Teach your children how to talk respectfully to adults. To look them in the eye and to address them as "Mr" or "Mrs"

107. Expose your kids to culture. Art, music, etc. Give them a taste of the creative and encourage their own exploration and expression.