So, while attending a friend’s book signing yesterday in LA, I went to say hello to someone I hadn’t seen in a while and not since their partner died a few years back. This person is someone I’ve known for sometime but I wouldn’t necessarily call our relationship close.
As I greeted him and he introduced me around to his friends he suddenly and without warning or permission reached up and vigorously ruffled the back and top of my head.
Now, here is where the serious disparity in life experiences between Black people and White folks reveals itself. I calmly yet pointedly iformed him that he should never touch the head of a Black man without permission The issue here is body autonomy!
Allow me to elucidate for those who don’t understand. During slavery and Jim Crow, Black people were treated as if our bodies were not our own! Rape and lynching were commonplace. White men had a practice during these times of addressing Black men as, “boy!”
As in, “Boy, go fetch me a pail of that water. “ Or, “Boy, you better not be sassin’ me!” Sometimes when White folks were feeling especially jocular, a vigorous head rub would be used to emphasize the imbalance of power.
At first, the man thought I was kidding and could not fathom why he was being corrected. I had to tell him repeatedly intil he finally got the message. My message today is simple: White allies, KNOW YOUR HISTORY BETTER!
Listen, I know he meant no harm or disrespect. He was, in his mind, simply expressing affection for someone he hadn’t seen in a while. However in order for things to change we need to have these uncomfortable conversations.
The historic of imbalance of power between Black people and Whites in America needs to be addressed in present time interactions. Thanks for listening, y’all...🙏🏾
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