Thread by @dustyexner

Okay so theres this #ADHD thing where people w ADHD are notorious for wanting to do EVERYTHING THEMSELVES and NEVER ASK FOR HELP OR DELEGATE. Obviously this can contribute to our over-commitment problem & leads to stuff not getting done, being delayed or done sloppily

I started asking myself why this is? One answer that seems obvious is that when we agree to a task or project it feels good (dopamine) and because of time blindness we legitimately think we can do ALL THE THINGS

Only later to discover much to our chagrin that trying to do 30 things in one day is...a bit much...

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that ADHDers legitimately dont know what is OK to ask for help with.

Like, there's the shame factor: "this should have been done already, I've been lying about my progress on this and if I ask for help I'll have to admit I'm behind"

There's the embarrassment factor: "clearly I took on too many things and if I ask for help I have to admit I bit off more than I can chew"

And there's also the thing where we think the rules don't apply to us and we should actually be able to do everything: "I don't want to ask for help because I SHOULD be able to do this"

Here's the thing tho: if you've spent a lifetime overcommitting and then shame-hiding your failures or struggles, you have NO CONTEXT for what is actually reasonable to ask for help with. So we just....don't.

And neurotypical people do, without shame or hesitation, and its beautiful and amazing! In meetings and in life they just own their shit, so bald-face. Have you ever heard a neurotypical person just deadass say, "no I didn't get around to that, I didn't have time this week"

With NO GUILT? it is a sight to behold.

Because they can actually register and know how much time exists + how many commitments they can manage = anything that falls outside those parameters is OK to admit you didn't or can't do and ask for help with.

So what we gotta do #neurodiversesquad fam is start learning, measuring and ACCEPTING that there is a finite amount of time in a day, month, week, or life time and that WITHIN that finite time not all of it can go to completing obligations we committed to previously.

There also needs to be rest, self care, life management and fun time. When you get right down to it, you almost never have as much time as you think you do. Especially if you hit a wall with something you don't know how to do/can't make a decision about. That's a huge time suck.

These are great things to delegate or ask for help with. But to do that, you have to get past all the "I should have's" and the shame, guilt and embarrassment. Because its NOT WEIRD OR BAD TO ASK FOR HELP.
From your spouse
From your boss
From your coworkers
From your friends

ITS NOT BAD OR WEIRD TO ASK FOR HELP

IT IS OK TO NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO DO ALL THE THINGS ESPECIALLY SINCE YOUVE PROBABLY BEEN WORKING REALLY HARD ON STUFF ALREADY WITH THE TIME THAT YOU DID HAVE

IT IS OK TO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO A THING AND ASK SOMEONE ELSE HOW

YOU WILL NOT LOOK WEAK OR STUPID

NO ONE IS EXPECTING YOU TO BE PERFECT