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@KeithAtRest

@KeithAtRest

THE OLIGERKS, Part Two:
“The ‘G’ Is Soft”—a work of fiction based loosely on fake events.

Written by me & @KeithAtRest
maewestside.tumblr.com/post/612706264…

1/ It was two days after the president of Russia had declared himself the Supreme Ruler Master of Ceremonies Thrasher of the Damned Remarkably Free of Flaws and Don’t Contradict Me King of Kings in Perpetuity Forever and Ever, and his hair was a mess.-The Oligerks Part 2

2/ As it turned out, his erstwhile barber, now dead, was more difficult to replace than anticipated. He was now on his fifth barber in five weeks, and since he’d declared marriage to be between anything with a fifth appendage and a woman, all the barbers in Moscow had revolted.

3/ That evening, he was flying in a new temporary barber from the city formerly known as Stalingrad, who had come highly recommended by his “Chef” due to a fluency in doublespeak. The fact that he was a gifted neurosurgeon with a pocketknife had gone unremarked.-The Oligerks Pt 2

4/ The Supreme Etc caught a glimpse of himself in the dichroic headlamp of his Aurus limo and was devastated. He hadn’t looked that bad since ‘91, when he was still doing his own grooming. He popped a ‘lude and took a nap.-The Oligerks, Part 2

5/ Meanwhile, back at The Hague, the American president was recovering from emergency surgery. Turns out, removing a “Chip of Unknown Origin” (CUO) had more side effects than anticipated.-The Oligerks, Part 2

6/ “It was a lot like removing Britain from the Union,” said The Hague’s chief neurosurgeon, wiping off his scalpel. “It left a dent. It also appears his right temporal lobe has been missing for some time. You know borscht technology, it’s never subtle.”-The Oligerks, Part 2

7/ Repelled by his lack of symmetry, the American president’s base had at long last abandoned him. Once held together by cynicism and malice, his fake empire was crumbling.

He finally had the gift of desperation.-The Oligerks, Part 2

8/ Unfortunately, the waterworks he shed on TV night after night from prison was a big turn off. Viewership was down.

The vice president, a House Plant with a Cross, attempted to stage a televised intervention. His dream of assuming the presidency hung on appearances.-Oligerks 2

9/ The president’s current wife, the Beard, had to first get clearance from the Kremlin. Every other family member was able to get by with just a note from their handler.-The Oligerks, Part 2

10/ The House Plant opened the proceedings, but assuming his usual devotional gaze when casting his eyes upon the president proved difficult. The consensus in the room was a mutual desire to look away from his disfigured head.-The Oligerks, Part 2

11/ What should’ve been a supportive Be-In, quickly became a vicious sh*tshow. The family found his wigless, tanless, caved in head, weak. They were repulsed by his uncontrollable weeping, a side effect of crank withdrawal.-The Oligerks, Part 2

12/ Within seconds of receiving the power of attorney to assume control of rebooting The Brand, the family snapped their briefcases closed and stalked out.

Only the Beard remained, long enough to pass a message from the Kremlin: “We’re increasing the Vig,” she said.-Oligerks 2

13/ Meanwhile, back at the Kremlin, the Russian leader was eyeing the barber’s blade closely. Each time his new hairstylist snipped, his anxiety spiked. His hair looked okay—this guy clearly made the cut. But could he be trusted?-The Oligerks Part 2

14/ The entire operation of the Brain Modification Management Team (BMMT) took up a third of the country’s budget and everything hung on the longterm success of the mission.-The Oligerks Part 2

15/ So far, the Kremlin was still in control of the other Oligerks at The Hague—removing the “Chips of Unknown Origin” (CUO) could prove lethal and The Hague jurists weren’t willing to risk the liability.-The Oligerks Part 2

16/ The BMMT programmed the two GOP Senators and one Congressman (who’d been arrested with the president for trying to drop dirty bombs on California and pin the blame on Hillary Clinton) to parrot Kremlin talking points.-The Oligerks Part 2

17/ The aim was to further obfuscate The Hague’s trial to determine what was self-will and what was Kremlin will. It was clear, however, that the Supreme Etc was starting to lose control of the plot.-The Oligerks Part 2

18/ As his new barber pulled out a straight razor to trim his sideburns, the Russian leader overreacted and was about to call for his execution when he got distracted by a rat in the corner of the room.

“What are you looking at me for?” said the rat.-The Oligerks Part 2

19/ Questioning his sanity, the Russian leader downed a Thorazine cocktail and singing softly to himself, “I Get No Kick from Champagne”, he drifted off into fairyland.

The End/
Oligerks Part 2

20/ Part One of “The Oligerks”—a work of fiction based loosely on fake events—can be read here: maewestside.tumblr.com/post/187749605…