Trump now attempting to deliver cogent remarks much like a competent person would if he were one.
Opens by inexplicably holding up an illegible piece of paper as if to prove important people are producing important documents.
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Opens by inexplicably holding up an illegible piece of paper as if to prove important people are producing important documents.
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“We would much rather be ahead of the curve than behind it... which is what we are.”
Dr. Freud, your slip is showing.
Dr. Freud, your slip is showing.
Trump limply reads off some “recommendations” like schools closing.
Perhaps he is unaware of, say, the massive, sweeping closures already taking place.
Perhaps he is unaware of, say, the massive, sweeping closures already taking place.
Trump announces there is a vaccine entering clinical trials.
Yes. A potential vaccine candidate entering Phase I trials.
That’s a country mile from proving efficacy; receiving approval; and commercialization.
Yes. A potential vaccine candidate entering Phase I trials.
That’s a country mile from proving efficacy; receiving approval; and commercialization.
Dr. Idontknowhername now addressing the media.
I was barely listening because my dog wanted me to throw his toy.
He is really taking to this quarantine thing. Now only wants to play fetch indoors.
Anyway, here’s Dr. Fauci.
I was barely listening because my dog wanted me to throw his toy.
He is really taking to this quarantine thing. Now only wants to play fetch indoors.
Anyway, here’s Dr. Fauci.
Fauci reminds me of my childhood pediatrician. Dr. Aaron.
The man is just one of those calm, sweet fellows who makes you feel better.
Anyway, Fauci just reiterating the need for people to actually listen to experts (unlike the man he then hands the mic to).
The man is just one of those calm, sweet fellows who makes you feel better.
Anyway, Fauci just reiterating the need for people to actually listen to experts (unlike the man he then hands the mic to).
“We’ll not only hold the... death... down to a number better than if it had been a worse number.” President Fuckopotamus bludgeoning the American public with idiotic nothings.
“Best people in the world. Greatest experts, really, in the whole world.”
“Came up very unexpectedly. Very surprising.”
Note: the first case in China was diagnosed in December. We literally had three-month notice.
This was about as surprising as March arriving 2 mos after Jan.
“Came up very unexpectedly. Very surprising.”
Note: the first case in China was diagnosed in December. We literally had three-month notice.
This was about as surprising as March arriving 2 mos after Jan.
Side note: Trump’s face is positively pumpkinesque. It is a sort of nuclear orange.
Meanwhile, his hands - which he keeps waving around - are the color of bologna.
Meanwhile, his hands - which he keeps waving around - are the color of bologna.
Trump now rambling about alleged plans to acquire more ventilators.
Says we’re “getting them” despite reports that he told the nation’s governors this morn that they should be getting them on their own.
These conferences are find-a-fact contests where no one ever finds one.
Says we’re “getting them” despite reports that he told the nation’s governors this morn that they should be getting them on their own.
These conferences are find-a-fact contests where no one ever finds one.
Trump claims he will release the number of ventilators on hand and soon to be delivered.
I can tell you that number. It’s about 13k on hand. That isn’t a mystery. Dr. Fauci already disclosed this.
Trump is obfuscating because that number is so tiny, it will be calamitous.
I can tell you that number. It’s about 13k on hand. That isn’t a mystery. Dr. Fauci already disclosed this.
Trump is obfuscating because that number is so tiny, it will be calamitous.
Meanwhile, MSNBC just popped up the inset box of the market... which has now raced 500 points past its worst single-day drop in history.
The market is extending a large middle finger to this speech.
The market is extending a large middle finger to this speech.
“A record setting contagion.”
Trump talking about a deadly virus as if it’s the season premiere of Apprentice.
Trump talking about a deadly virus as if it’s the season premiere of Apprentice.
Early in this speech, Trump alluded to this crisis potentially dragging into July or August.
This is the same man who swore under two weeks ago that there were only five cases heading toward zero cases.
This imbecile is exponentially incompetent. He fed this debacle.
This is the same man who swore under two weeks ago that there were only five cases heading toward zero cases.
This imbecile is exponentially incompetent. He fed this debacle.
Dr. Whoever-she-is steps back up and, like Friday, invokes the HIV crisis as a model.
This makes me irate. The HIV epidemic was wholly worsened by people just like this brigade of shitbirds who were indifferent to the crisis until it had become a raging wildfire.
This makes me irate. The HIV epidemic was wholly worsened by people just like this brigade of shitbirds who were indifferent to the crisis until it had become a raging wildfire.
Mike Pence steps up.
I am reasonably certain Pence is just a hollow husk secretly controlled by the aliens spiders living inside his dank polymer shell.
He is nothing but barely animate AI.
I am reasonably certain Pence is just a hollow husk secretly controlled by the aliens spiders living inside his dank polymer shell.
He is nothing but barely animate AI.
These press conferences are basically 99% blather and bullshit meant to do damage control from yesterday’s screwups coupled with 1% new info - which is worse than what they have disclosed to-date.
Today’s 1% nugget: this is likely to drag on into summer.
The markets heard that.
Today’s 1% nugget: this is likely to drag on into summer.
The markets heard that.
Alright, I can take no more of this.
Why do we even do these?
This buffoonish vulgarian has done nothing but lie his way through his three years in office.
I can think of no one less useful to consult on any matter of importance.
Blech. I’m gonna go wash my hands.
Why do we even do these?
This buffoonish vulgarian has done nothing but lie his way through his three years in office.
I can think of no one less useful to consult on any matter of importance.
Blech. I’m gonna go wash my hands.
And the reviews are in.
Three. Thousand. Points.
The largest point drop in history.
Second largest percentage drop in history.
The markets are expressing zero confidence in this band of incompetents.
Three. Thousand. Points.
The largest point drop in history.
Second largest percentage drop in history.
The markets are expressing zero confidence in this band of incompetents.
