I was on the phone yesterday with my Old man who was showering me with unending praises after I did a little something for him. During the overlapping praises and blessings, my mind traveled back to when this man threatened me lmaaoooooo.
I think I was 6 at the time. An entitled and arrogant last child who thought the world revolved around him. Everything I wanted I got. All I had to do was make a mess about it. I was a little brat. Can’t even lie.
So this particular day I was home alone after being set up with some food, drinks and Barney & Friends by our house hand who left for the market afterwards. I was kinging on the couch with the entire world at my feet, fam.
But soon I started getting bored with Barney. Shitty dinosaur. I knew it was a grown man in there so I got up and went outside to check up on our poultry. The fowls were looking peaceful and a tad bored. Nothing was going on with them, not even vibes...
Well, I was bored too, so who wants to play? I opened the cages, broke them loose and started chasing dem birds all around the compound. In no time we were all having the time of our lives; cackling chickens and big ass Agric fowls attempting flight lmaooo.
All fun and games till I heard sounds at the gate. It was my elder bro coming in and opening the bigger gate for our Old man to drive in with momcy. Tf I froze. Compound was littered with feathers, deranged birds and and fowl shit.
Parents got out of the car looking surprised as hell. They didn’t need to ask questions; they knew I did that shit. Mumcy didn’t know what to do with me; by the time she came closer, I had already pulled the last born card. This softened her mood;
had her holding my head and asking why I do crazy stuff like that. I apologized but I knew what I was doing. My charm had worked. As a kid I was too good looking; would take a 9th Century mindless Pharoah to look at me and not let my people go lmaoooo. Well,...
...fuming and trying to clear the mess were my bro and old man. For some reason they seemed to be angry with me; even looking at me funny sometimes. I couldn’t understand why they were mean mugging tbvh...
So while they were cleaning up, I went upstairs to continue eating as the cleaning thingy was none of my business. I mean, I was a 6 year old Boss Baby-acting last child, so none of my damn business.
Moments later, Pops came into the sitting room where I was chopping life. Mans had this angry look on his face. Ah ah who vex this guy? He came closer, looked me dead in the eye and said....
“Chima, I know you enjoy being the last child but if you continue like this, I & your mother will get another baby, do you understand me!? 😡”
I shock! Did Pops just attack my birthright? Mans was going to take his wife to the oza room & make another pikin just to spite me?
I shock! Did Pops just attack my birthright? Mans was going to take his wife to the oza room & make another pikin just to spite me?
Ah ah! Why are people so heartless? This is player hating nau. Couldn’t believe Pops was hating cos I was young and getting it. Nawa o. People will hate on you when you occupy lucrative positions in this life; I learnt this the hard way.
As Pops was leaving the room, I thought of all I just heard. I couldn't process it. Which kind talk be that? I lost appetite. So I wasn’t irreplaceable? My shakara don end like this? I was 6 and experiencing mid-life crisis on the couch.
Me that didn't want any child after me cos of all the privileges I was enjoying. Damn, bruh! Like that wasn't enough, Pops instructed me to come and join them clean the mess. Ffs sake I'm 6, why should I be cleaning fowl shit? Nna maka why?
I started shedding my signature crocodile tears that usually helped me evade chores but mans wasn't having it. Instead he reiterated his instruction, barking this time; e shock me. Tf happened to my last born card? e be like subscription don finish o. Chaiiii
Feeling powerless and bereft of tricks, I followed him downstairs and started clearing nshi okuku ewwwwwwwwww.
Hot tears flowing as big boy like me was packing fowl shit. Mumcy and bro were laughing at me but I no send them at all. I was a likku pissed
Hot tears flowing as big boy like me was packing fowl shit. Mumcy and bro were laughing at me but I no send them at all. I was a likku pissed
Thinking of it now, I realise that was my first defining moment in life lmaoooo. Main reason why I never overestimate my importance in people's lives. Humility too.
Old man is a living legend. Mans the GOAT!
Old man is a living legend. Mans the GOAT!
