Thread by @TaniaAMarshall

Narcissist or Cluster B thread 🧵 These people do not and cannot talk ‘with’ you or their children. They talk ‘at’ YOU. There is a huge difference. They can't truly communicate. They do NOT have the capacity. Genuine communication is ‘two sided’. Talking ‘with’ vs. ‘at’

If you have someone, some group, in your life who talks ‘at’ you, you have some reevaluating to do. Notice #socialjustice groups. Do they talk ‘with you’ or ‘at’ you? Notice #transgender #transactivist groups. Do they talk ‘with’ or ‘AT’ people?

Genuine communication is ‘two sided’ with both interested in hearing and seeking to understand the other with respect. Narcissists are one sided, one way & one dimensional ONLY.
They are ‘adversarial’ communicators & conversationalists. It is in their words & in their language

Their communication is ‘shallow’, ‘one way’ demeaning, meaningless, chaotic or nonsensical. There are only ‘conditions’ and ‘chaos’. They do NOT make the time or effort to know and truly love you or their children. They talk AT you or their children. They are not WITH you

They also In a step by step fashion & in increasing boundary violations (not enough of a violation to make people jump out of boiling water) proceed to violate YOUR boundaries. They do this on purpose because they are allowed to. No-one stops them. They are ‘violators’

They are incapable of having a meaningful ‘two way’ conversation. They interrupt and turn the direction of the conversation back on them, themselves, their greatness or their problems. It is their way OR the highway. These traits are also seen in #autistic communication #autism

They can’t tell you your favourite food, colour, music, art, etc. because they never ask you. They don’t listen. Because there is no two way communication, they ‘miss’ the ‘joining in’ because they are
focused only on ‘self’. being in the spotlight being important, to ‘listen’

to be ‘present’, to really care. They cannot predict your thoughts and feelings. They cannot put themselves in your shoes. There is no ‘connection’. They don’t know themselves. Communication is painful with them. They fail to understand boundaries.

They lack a concept of ‘self’ and ‘other’. They don’t understand their core ‘self’, let alone ‘other’. They are unable to ‘see’ your point of view, your thoughts & your feelings. It may seem as though they are ’unwilling’ & yes they are, but they are also ‘incapable’

They cannot ‘connect’
‘Relate’ ‘join’ With you or others. Their forms of communication are combative, competitive, argumentative, like a debate or you are in court. It is a ‘relational’ problem. They are able to relate to ‘self’ or to others, other than black and white

Combative polarised win at all costs language. They ‘see’ the work in black and white. They see you as an ‘object’. It is an ‘object relations’ problem, a theory of mind problem, a context blindness problem. It’s an ‘empathy’ problem True communication includes empathic response

An empathic response is an immediate response to you that accurately recognises your thoughts and feelings ‘independent’ of theirs. They are ‘unable’ to do this and it is reflected in their language and their words.

If you feel like you are walking on eggshells’, with a ‘ticking’ Time bomb, in a verbal war zone you are likely with a highly chaotic dysfunctional person or group. You must leave for your sanity and your mental health. You cannot ‘fix’ them or the group. They are damaged

And will harm you. They are often ‘advocates’ ‘social justice warriors’ ‘leaders’ of cults, ‘politicians’, ‘lawyers’, ‘police’, ‘psychologists’, CEOS, controlling people. They don’t ‘listen’. They are dangerous because they try to change Your ‘reality’. They ‘need’ control