[coughs]
[taps mic]
Hello, do you have a minute? I would like to talk to you about a profile of David Davis that was published in the Telegraph in 2005.
[taps mic]
Hello, do you have a minute? I would like to talk to you about a profile of David Davis that was published in the Telegraph in 2005.
This is the first sentence. We're not having a drop intro here, just straight into action. 
"Okay that's intense, but it's because it's the opening, right?"
No. This is the second sentence.
No. This is the second sentence.
"But you can't just keep this up throughout a whole piece surely?"
My friend, just you wait until you see the third sentence.
My friend, just you wait until you see the third sentence.
"No but seriously, come on, you can't be this much of a self parody", I hear you say.
Well, this is where the fourth sentence comes in.
Well, this is where the fourth sentence comes in.
Right, now we know what we're dealing with, let's just quietly enjoy this quote before we move on.
This one is special - it starts off vaguely okay and then no, nope, oh mate.
This is an incredible mental image. That's all I'll say on this one.
Again, this is a theme here - you start reading a quote, it sounds broadly sane, then it falls off a cliff.
We...do? Thank you David for the, er, vote of confidence I guess.
That's a strong LinkedIn profile quote, that is.
Posting this one without comment because frankly, I'm running out of comments to make.
No but imagine him saying that out loud. These words came out of his face.
Last but not least - what? I mean, what? That's not even...historically accurate? What?
And that is that! Thanks for joining me for today's edition of "really fucking weird articles I just remembered existed!", the full piece is here if you want to frame it: telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/14…
