When my children's book "Charlie and the Tortoise"(Book on Evolution) was released, Ken Ham of the Creation Museum(Thinks Earth is 6000 yrs old) wrote a scathing review. I replied the only way I know how. I wrote a children's story about his Ark Encounter. Here it is...
1/ Kenny knew that a flood was coming and that he should build a boat.
He was nowhere near the sea, or a lake, or a river, or even a moat.
He was nowhere near the sea, or a lake, or a river, or even a moat.
2/ How big of a boat might Kenny need to weather the flood that was coming indeed?
He knew that his boat would have to be large.
He hired the best builder, but he was in charge.
He knew that his boat would have to be large.
He hired the best builder, but he was in charge.
3/ He told the builder to fire all the workers that would not sign a waiver that says “They will accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior.”
“No problem.” said the builder “I will give them the axes, even though you want to use money from everyone's taxes.”
“No problem.” said the builder “I will give them the axes, even though you want to use money from everyone's taxes.”
4/ Kenny said “I want my boat to house two of each animal.
Big enough for T-Rexes that may act tyrannical.
I want stalls for two lions, giraffes, and some zebras
A place to keep ants, and brain eating amoebas."
Big enough for T-Rexes that may act tyrannical.
I want stalls for two lions, giraffes, and some zebras
A place to keep ants, and brain eating amoebas."
5/ The wood came by truck, it is how it was delivered.
“I will build it exactly like Noah!” Kenny had figured
“Except I will probably use cranes, and lift, because sauropods no longer exist.”
“I will build it exactly like Noah!” Kenny had figured
“Except I will probably use cranes, and lift, because sauropods no longer exist.”
6/ He gathered his animals two by two.
Of course they lined up like well-mannered animals do.
The lions were standing right behind the gazelles that were standing behind two baptized Amazonian snails.
Of course they lined up like well-mannered animals do.
The lions were standing right behind the gazelles that were standing behind two baptized Amazonian snails.
7/ “The flood is coming!” Kenny would say all the time.
“Load up the elephants, load up the swine.
Load up the tigers, and load up the apes
In the kangaroo pouches, put 2 of each kinds of poisonous snakes.”
“Load up the elephants, load up the swine.
Load up the tigers, and load up the apes
In the kangaroo pouches, put 2 of each kinds of poisonous snakes.”
8/ Every animal indeed, all 5 million species.
The builder then asked "What will you do with the feces?"
In fact "Where will you store all the food for the mammals?"
“The boat is quite full and we still have 4 and half million more animals.”
The builder then asked "What will you do with the feces?"
In fact "Where will you store all the food for the mammals?"
“The boat is quite full and we still have 4 and half million more animals.”
9/ “Get everything off of the Boat” Kenny said.
His face turned a color, the reddest of red.
"All of the animals will starve" the builder then said
A vein popped out of Kenny's neck and his head.
His face turned a color, the reddest of red.
"All of the animals will starve" the builder then said
A vein popped out of Kenny's neck and his head.
10/ "Everything off of the boat" Kenny yelled.
“Get the Zebras, the Lions, the anointed Amazon snails.
Get the tigers, and lizards, and both of the foxes.
Where are the hell are the termites I had in these wooden boxes?”
“Get the Zebras, the Lions, the anointed Amazon snails.
Get the tigers, and lizards, and both of the foxes.
Where are the hell are the termites I had in these wooden boxes?”
11/ “All of the animals need to go home.
The Kangaroos can hop back to Australia for all that I care.
Remove the ant eater and the pair of brown bears.”
The Kangaroos can hop back to Australia for all that I care.
Remove the ant eater and the pair of brown bears.”
12/ “Replace all of the animals with babies that will not eat too much.
Like elephants so small they'll eat one peanut for lunch.
"I want frogs so young that they do not have legs,
And a pterodactyl so young it still has its egg shell on its head."
Like elephants so small they'll eat one peanut for lunch.
"I want frogs so young that they do not have legs,
And a pterodactyl so young it still has its egg shell on its head."
13/ “Pterodactyls are extinct!” The builder told Kenny
“They died 65 million years ago, so there are no longer any.”
"Blasphemy" Kenny said from his boat with no water
as he then fired the best builder, because the builder was smarter.
“They died 65 million years ago, so there are no longer any.”
"Blasphemy" Kenny said from his boat with no water
as he then fired the best builder, because the builder was smarter.
14/ "They died from an asteroid" the builder said to Kenny, but Kenny did not care.
he just turned his nose and said “Were you there?"
he just turned his nose and said “Were you there?"
15/ All that Kenny had left to do was to fill up his ark
With 5 million species of baby animals before the flood starts.
Kenny then learned that even 5 million babies was too much
even if he planned to feed crackers to baby hippos for lunch.
With 5 million species of baby animals before the flood starts.
Kenny then learned that even 5 million babies was too much
even if he planned to feed crackers to baby hippos for lunch.
16/ Kenny's boat was finally ready and prepared for the flood.
The flood came... it was not water... it was not even mud.
As Kenny stood on top of this boat that he ruled, and watched the flood that would be known as the flood of the fooled.
The flood came... it was not water... it was not even mud.
As Kenny stood on top of this boat that he ruled, and watched the flood that would be known as the flood of the fooled.
17/ Ken Ham's boat was not built to save anythings life.
Not even the brain eating amoeba or the amoeba’s nice wife.
It was built to sell gifts and the homeschool books that he wrote, to the flood of the fooled that help sail Kenny’s boat.
Not even the brain eating amoeba or the amoeba’s nice wife.
It was built to sell gifts and the homeschool books that he wrote, to the flood of the fooled that help sail Kenny’s boat.
18/ THE END!
Here is the original review of "Charlie and the Tortoise" by Ken Ham of the Creation Museum.
answersingenesis.org/train-up-a-chi…
Here is the original review of "Charlie and the Tortoise" by Ken Ham of the Creation Museum.
answersingenesis.org/train-up-a-chi…
19/ If you loved it, please RT it. Sharing is caring!
