I need some advice. I’m not much of one for trigger warnings, but domestic violence and substance abuse conversations ahead.
Someone very close to me for a number of years has had multiple issues with substance abuse — from alcohol, to prescription, to the street. She’s had issues with many. I didn’t notice it for awhile because it was her normal, her baseline.
As time went on I started to see the problems. The hiding the bottles of alchohol. The shouting at things that weren’t there. The hidden crushed up powder of OxyContin in a matchbox with a straw.
When I first realized all this I was afraid for her. I called her family, her friends, I wanted them to know so she could get help. I was shocked and angry to find out that they already knew, and had a very ‘there’s nothing we can do’ attitude.
I still lived in Ohio then, and we were close. I tried to broach the topic with her, but it didn’t go well. In her eyes she didn’t have a problem. I had to let it go.
Flash forward years later. We now live about an hour apart, but I would keep in touch from time to time. I had a call with one of her friends who informed me that she got caught up in bath salts. If you don’t know what this is, google it. It’s nasty shit.
I was told she lost a tremendous amount of weight and was under 100lbs. So I decided the least I could do is visit and try and feed her. I drove up to her with sausage, eggs, cheese, biscuits — the most unhealthy fattiest breakfast I could cook for her.
When I arrived I didn’t recognize her. She was a skeleton. Eyes sunken in. I could see every bone in her body. It took all I had to not react and I offered, she declined, I insisted and got to cooking. A massive feast and she only had one bite of eggs.
She was in a new-ish relationship at the time. I remember seeing what looked like a punched hole in the wall, but I didn’t think much of it because it was a really sketch apartment and apartment complex. More on that later.
She’s continued to have substance issues. Used to call me asking me for money every week. I tried to get her to seek help, but she won’t. Since the bath salts thing I’ve lived under the mantra of ‘you can’t help her if she doesn’t want to help herself.’
Come to this week where lots of new info has come to light. She OD’d on heroin and had to be resuscitated. Police got involved. Has a paraphernalia charge. Not fun. So I called her local friends to check in, and was even worse than I thought.
There’s a lot of allegations here, many of which indirect. Some of which I’ve suspected when I’ve seen them together. I’ll spare some of the more horrifying details.
Both she and her husband are drug users, and he’s pretty controlling of all her actions. I’ve seen this second hand in the fact she calls me with a different phone number every time I hear from her. Since they’ve been together, I’ve never see them apart.
I’ve heard stories of friends seeing her at the grocery store with a black eye, another time hanging with people a busted lip in which he told her friend ‘if you’re wondering what happened she hit her lip on the stove’. That was an unprompted comment.
There are other stories of her calling her a liar about him hitting her when she’s never told anyone about him hitting her. Allegedly there’s an incident of her saying she wanted to die and he basically threatened to kill her.
I mention all this here on Twitter because 1, none of these folks are on twitter, 2, she used to be my best friend. We don’t talk much anymore because we’re in different states, and to a certain degree I’ve distanced myself from her for my mental health. And
3, I want to see if there’s something I can do to help from a distance. Maybe there’s nothing, but it really breaks my heart that she’s gone and is still going through all this.
So Twitter, is there anything I can do. She’s in Ohio. Im in California. I’d love to try and get her in a shelter and rehab, but she doesn’t have a peer social net where she is. I can’t send money because, well, I know where that will go.
Or is she still stuck? Is it still a ‘if she doesn’t want help you can’t help her’ situation? I mean, even if I can get folks to pass those allegations to the police it’s still up to her to admit to them.
It’s so hard because I’ve known this person for most of my life. We used to be best friends. She’s a totally different person now due to whatever the drugs have done to her brain, but I still want to help. I just feel helpless in all this.
Thanks for listening Twitter. I appreciate any and all feedback or advice you have here.
One more thing I’ll mention - if any of her friends catch a whiff of this tread I’m taking this down. I don’t want her husband to know how much I know. I’d still appreciate the feedback in @ replies or DMs. Thanks.
unroll for those who hate threads thx
