Not a lot going on with this cover except some flying thing in the background. Harry seems to have grown several feet taller. Tall enough to pimp slap Dudley is his goddamn mouth? I hope so.
Here we go: #HarryPotterLiveTweet of the #PrisonerOfAzkaban!
Sad my man Harry is still living at home. You're a famous fuck wizard, my dude. Emancipate. Get a flat. Smoke little cigars. Buy an Xbox. Be Harry Motherfucking Potter.
Dudley's dad (I suck at names) is wearing a fat suit, right? His body is shaped like @KarlPilkington's head: a fuckin' orange.
And who is THIS BITCH callin Harry's mom a bitch?
Oh. oh. OH. YOU DONE GOT FAT AND FLOATY.
FLY. FLY AWAY AND BE WITH YOUR KIND: OTHER FAT FLYING BITCHES.
Also, DOUBLE headshot on Dudley with the buttons.
Demon dog followed by a ghost double decker bus. I really need to be more observant of my surroundings.
THIS BUS HAS A CHANDELIER BUT NO JAMESON?
Oh. Nvm. They're stoned. Take it away Ernie.
I like the hunchback's bedside manner. Just grab em by the collar.
OH I DON'T LIKE THE BITEY BOOK. Its worse than the damn screaming plant baby!
The dark train is making me nervous.
And now it's cold?
Oh thisnisntgood
what the FUCK IS THAT THING
WHATBTHE FYC
FUCK WHAT?!
THIS IS A KID'S MOVIE
Who is this mustachio'd gentleman savior and why do I respect him more than myself at this juncture?
The kids singing "double double boil and trouble" (I guess that's what it is)
Is that cultural appropriation?
I misunderstood. I thought he died AFTER the third movie.
I thought I had one more.
I thought we had more time.
I'm going to call this guy "Dumbledore" with quotations
Because that's what it feels like
I am sad.
Tbh if my tea leaves looked like a demon devil dog, I'd kinda shit myself a bit, too. Don't need a class to tell me that's messed up.
Scarface vs Blondie round two?
Nope, Blondie just pussyfoots around and makes a middle school insult.
Why do Hagrid and the Hippogriff seem like they're running a con together?
Bow to him. Don't insult him. Don't make eye contact. Don't talk about obscure 70's prog. Compliment his smoky eye.
Meanwhile, 'Griff is laughing his ass off.
"A boggart takes the shape of whatever you fear the most"
Jokes on you, bitch, you can't turn into that one time I smoked too much pot and freaked out while trying to listen to Captain Beefheart.
Someone assaulted the fat lady.
I wonder who they're going to frame for this one.
BOOM THAT'S AN AWESOME PUN AND YOU KNOW IT.
*WIND WHISTLING*
*CROWS SHRIEKING*
*WOMEN CRYING*
*MEN COWERING*
*THUNDERCLAP*
*OVERHEAD SCREEN FLAPPING*
... Turn to page three hundred and ninety four.
Said it before. I'll say it again. #Lifegoal is to enter every room like Snape does.
So wait the dementors attack Harry because he has PTSD from getting zapped as a baby and shit?
Huh.
I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good.
I'm getting that tattooed somewhere inappropriate.
Okay, rethinking this Sirius cat. If he's on #TeamPotter then he had his reasons. He has to be a good guy. Right?
I trust James to have better instinct than that.
I love Scabbers. Second best character next to Hagrid. He deserves better than this!
Wait if he's alive, then Sirius isn't a murderer!
Fucking knew it. Gary Oldman has AND WILL NEVER play a bad guy.
Don't google that.
I love how Snape gets along with exactly fucking nobody
You're a rebel, boo. You do you.
Why y'all posting pics of people eating popcorn whenever I talk about Scabbers?
He deserves better. He deserves love and carrots. I love rats.
Tea leaf professor. She's a freak on the DL.
RT if you know what I'm talking about. 😉
FUCK BLONDIE UP, HERMIONE.
OH SHIT.
SHE DOESN'T NEED MAGIC
SHE JUST PUNCHED A MOTHERFUCKER IN THE MOOOOUTH.
Oh shit. Axe guy.
He's gonna kill Buckbeak? I mean, not really though. This is a kid's book.
SCABBERS IS PETER PETTIGREW AND A SERVENT OF VOLDERMORT
AND HE BETRAYED EVERYONE
WHAT
HOW
WHAT
Lupin werewolf is not good.
I'm emotionally spent.
Can something go right, please.
I fucking love Snape. Went from grabbing kids by the throat to I WILL DIE FOR ALL OF YOU, GET BEHIND ME.
Tearing up a bit.
Wtf is that white deer
HOLY SHIT IT WAS A DEER NUKE
THAT DEER JUST NUKED THE DEMENTORS
So we're just ignoring the deer nuke or what
Harry that deer wasn't your dad. At best, it was some weird by-product of Nazi occult experiments that got radioactive.
Aw yiss I get to watch Blondie get decked twice.
Nvm rewound and watched it to make it a third.
Nice.
And Harry still bows.
How about
Uhh
How about save Buckbeak from being headless first and then worry about the formalities.
"Executioner, your services are no longer required."
Translated from proper English:
Stuff that reeky-ass gimp suit up a pumpkin and get the fuck out my castle.
Bitch.
BUCKBEAK MY BADASS MOTHERFUCKER KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF A WAREWOLF LIKE IT'S JUST ANOTHER TUESDAY
Alright. Fine. I'm feeling better about this. Less depressed.
Fucking exhausted, though.
I want Sirius to become a teacher at Hogwarts:
Being a Badass 101
How to Carve a Prison Shank Only Using Another Prison Shank
Wolves: A Brief History of How That Shit Rules
"Mischief managed."
Lupin walks away letting people just shit themselves as the map folds itself.
Third movie is a wrap.
I'm like really sick, but my body wants to go do karate or something. I'm pumped.
I'm just gonna go back to loving Scabbers though. Fuck Peter. But Scabbers... Ain't nothin wrong with that.