Because there's never been a cringefest I could walk away from, and because I've got some friends here and on FB who've been blocked by #ByeFaleena and can't see her video, I'm gonna grab some coffee, watch, and live tweet. I am unsettled.
Okay. Coffee is being made. Let's get this started. She begins the video by staring boldly into the camera and saying, "Hi. I'm Faleena Hopkins. I'm being attacked." She puts uncomfortably long pauses between these phrases, for impact, I assumed.
"To the point of dangerous. And I beseech the moneygrabbers to back. The fuck. Off." She stares unblinking into the camera. So, we've reached the "My life has been threatened," portion of the program.
"I am building a brand. You are writing one book." She claims she never said all authors were copying her, but "you know who you are. And you are squawking the loudest."
I can't tell if she's addressing one person, or a group, but she says if "you" wrote more, you'd have as much money as she has. Then she claims her family and cover models are also being attacked.
Then a long pause and an unconnected, high pitched, "She's the bully! She's the bully!" followed by miming stabbing alternating with an imitation of a roaring crowd that all devolves into more sounds and rapid hand movements.
"If you have a problem with me, FOCUS ON ME." Then she rants about people going after her family and models again and says that if "you" have a problem with her, "you" should go to court so she can see what's behind your "avatar."
She lifts her eyebrows and says, "Mhmm," as if someone has responded. "You know who you are, and it's YOU who have messed this up for the rest of us." As though she's just a mom who's having to impose consequences for the bad behavior of her children.
So. Many. Long. Pauses. For. Emotional. Effect.
Now she's holding up physical Thank You cards to the camera, then reading messages that are supposedly inside (though she never shows them). They all praise her amazing writing, strength, heart of gold, humor, etc.
After stating again that she filed the trademark to protect her fans (earlier described as good people who would never engage in the hateful behavior she's experienced), she says she's helping people with her work.
"What are you doing? What are you doing? You are working against goodness and light." Says she's not talking about her own work. "I am not the narcissist you paint me as," says the woman convinced that people who have never heard of her have copied her before her work existed.
"The more shadows you make on the people you love, the more authors you love are going down. Because less people are following them. People are disgusted with what you guys are doing. And they're walking away. And they're no longer buying your books."
This is what stopped me the first time I tried to watch this video. This is where I got off, because the direct description of what is happening TO HER being recounted as something happening NOT TO HER is what made me think of "Cathy".
"You're not hurting me. Because I'm writing more books and there are millions of readers out there." More high pitched "she's the bully" with weird stabbing motions and mimicking screaming.
Then she says people are going to attack her and "look like idiots." Uh...
She takes a long pause for deep breaths. Then she addresses people on social media and how we're an example of a loss of connection and support in the world. She appears to struggle not to cry. More hackles raised because I HAVE SEEN THAT BEFORE.
More claims that people were copying her, then insistence that her readers would never one-star bomb books (they are currently doing so).
I can't believe we got this far into the video before she talked about nice people being her "tribe."
WHOA BITCH. BACK THE FUCK UP. She just randomly brought autism into this shit. Hang on. I gotta pause to explain this.
Okay, so we all know that the lurkers support her in email, right? Well, she claims to have received emails from readers who find that the use of the word "stupid" by the people bullying Failerina is an attack on autistic children somehow.
Because people call autistic people stupid, that means calling someone stupid is calling autistic people stupid or bullying autistic people. I think is her point.
"Authors are losing control, even of their readers." Well, I don't control my readers, so IDK what the fuck you're talking about, lady.
She says this all stemmed from a single author announcing her "cocky" series in a romance writers' group, again claims to have built this brand (years after other authors).
Long pause for looking away from camera and deep breath. Then demands that we direct our hate at her. "The authors you are supporting are losing their support. They don't look good, my friend." This is not reflected in reality and is describing her own situation. Again, HACKLES.
Long pause. "I'm just gonna say one last word, then I'm logging off." 12 minutes into an hour and a half long video. Um, I think I trademarked "one last thing" and then doing a long series of other things.
Another long pause, then she leans into the camera and again says to bring our hate, to direct it at her, bring it on, she can take it. Then she mocks the "originality" of the #ByeFaleena hashtag with a neck bob.
She is really hung up on the idea of innocent people being attacked, but I haven't seen any of that going on. Anyone else?
I accidentally lost my fucking place in this video oh my god it's impossible to get back to where I was. Oh, shit, no, I'm back to the "bring it on, I can take it," part.
"I'll be over here writing while you guys just spew." Long pause, near tears. "Really bad things." SEVERAL SECONDS OF SILENCE IN WHICH SHE SITS THERE AND LOOKS SAD. "I uh...yeah. Fuck." More long silence, hair artfully arranged over her shoulder as she stares in elegant profile.
"I'm sitting here wondering if that was okay. I have to say one more thing." Tossing hair, vocal deep breaths, chewing lip, covering face and chanting, "This was fine, this was fine." This is A PERFORMATIVE "BREAKDOWN." I have SEEN THIS BEFORE.
This is so like "Cathy." Trying out different poses and tragic expressions, trying to decide which she likes best. Right now, it's just a lot of soulfully staring into the camera.
Low, serious tone, starts talking about how writing is hard, she's been through a lot of shit. 🚩☣️"I understand that you think I've done something wrong."☣️ 🚩
Now she's talking about how everyone has something inside them that they have to offer to everyone. Again, lots of long pauses for dramatic effect, tearless blinking back of tears. She believes we have a driving for within us and it's scary to follow that force.
We're in the passive-aggressive new age spirituality portion of the performance. Again, I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE.
Going on about little voices inside us that we're afraid to follow, what the problem is with our society. Now she's recommending books. If everyone was doing what they wanted to be doing, there would be no hate, addiction, or alcoholism.
There wouldn't be any clean toilets or buried corpses, either, lady.
"Do you wanna be what your heart tells you to be, or do you not?" None of this has anything to do with her trademark. She says her first book tanked. Then, "I'm not talking about me right now. I'm talking about society."
She's telling a story about a story her mom told her about "warm fuzzies" and a village full of people being afraid of running out of warm fuzzies and handling out "cold pricklies" instead.
Now we're talking about Martha Graham being a brilliant choreographer. For some reason. And then we're back to the warm fuzzies. "Smiles...they don't run out. You can pass those around, you can be kind to everyone you come in contact with."
She's attempting to make herself into a teacher of love or something like we haven't seen all of her letters insisting she's going to ruin people.
The point of all of this seems to be that she has succeeded because she's enlightened and kind and the people who don't like her are just too scared to follow their dreams, though she insists that she's no longer talking about the trademark issue.
Now she's passionately listing the celebrities involved in Master Class, what they're teaching, how much it costs, what's great about it...does she...does she work for Master Class? Is she getting paid for this promo?
She suggests the James Patterson class on how to write for the authors who are bullying her. 🙄 #FightWithLight
She says her proofreaders are the best in the world. I can confirm this is not the case.
She addresses the viewers that have popped on late and says she's not talking about bullying anymore. She continues to bring it up passive-aggressively, though. And now we're talking about ST:NG.
In other words, she has an audience and she's going to perform.
OKAY, here we go. She's going to talk about how she made her series (that no one had ever heard of) so successful. I'm pausing to get a cup of coffee.
Before I get started again, someone wanted to know who "Cathy" was that I was referring to. Search "Worst Person" on my blog. Now I'm going back in.
Okay, as I suspected, we're about to get a landslide of "UR JELLIS" bullshit. And we are. "I have been attacked since this series became successful." NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF YOU BUT OKAY.
More pausing for deep breaths. "It's hard for me to talk about." She says she put a lot of work into her series (we all do, you're not special). She says she's about to reveal the secret to her success, then says, "First, let's talk about the trademark."
Least suspenseful suspense ever.
She admits there were books that used the word in the title before her, including Cocky Bastard, which she openly copied the cover for.
She says she's not defending herself, she's explaining how she became so successful so other people can benefit from her experience. Which has turned into a tour of her backlist.
And now she's talking about Supernatural. No shit, she suddenly just starts talking about Sam and Dean and Supernatural and what the show is about.
Oh, okay. She ties it into why she wrote her werewolf series and what they're about. We are in the commercial portion of her performance.
Giving background on why her mother's pancreatic cancer made her turn to photography, which then became her basis for her Sabrina Lacey series.
We're back the werewolves and why the books weren't successful, why weren't they successful, she knew she was doing what she loved. She seems to equate "doing what you love" with "automatic success."
She moved from L.A. to Atlanta...for her acting career. Uh?
"If you're popping in right now, this is not me defending myself. Fuck that. Come at me. I don't care." Says this is a video about how to be a successful writer. THAT NO ONE HAD EVER HEARD OF.
She repeats herself a lot. We've heard about Joe Cocker several times. Now she's comparing her process to Stephen King. YES WE'VE ALL READ ON WRITING.
She made six covers before she started writing. Okay, as an author? This isn't a "how to be a successful writer." This is a "how to market" thing. If it inspires you, great, but no, it's not a secret to success. WRITE. Sit down and write. JUST WRITE.
The screen just fritzed and I thought it was Thanos removing her from the universe for the good of all.
She's telling a story about how her first book was inspired by her male roommate, with whom she was totally platonic, but she makes a lot of coy references to how "harmonious" they were with sly smiles and such.
Yeah, she doesn't know the difference between art and marketing. This is the issue here.
Claims to have ridden a motorcycle since she was 10 years old.
So far, all her tips for success have been about how great her books are. "When you find the person you should be with, there should be hot sex." Okay, well, asexuals probably disagree, but okay, lady.
Oh God.
She's going to describe the plot of every single one of her books, I think.
She's going to describe the plot of every single one of her books, I think.
"It's about creating emotions." Talks about how real her books are, how they connect with people because they're real and reflect real family and emotional connection. Is this the secret to success? Because it's literally what WRITING is.
"There are a lot of authors who are pissed at me because how did I get to where I am, and how did I declare cocky a trademark [...]" No, ma'am. We are not pissed off that you became successful, because NONE OF US HAD EVER HEARD OF YOU. We're only pissed off about the second part.
"You're not gonna run out of words in the dictionary. You're fine. All you have to do is connect with your heart, connect with the reader's heart, take them to the next level." THAT IS NOT THE ISSUE GOD DAMNIT.
She's trying very hard to spin this as everyone is jealous of her success at weaving real emotions, which she has achieved by writing a book a month to keep her book visible through Amazon's algorithms. Which she has to do because she has a lot of fans. But...
If you have a lot of fans due to how great your writing is, why is keeping yourself visible in Amazon's algorithms the most important part of your success? If your writing is so great, why aren't you memorable enough that readers don't need the algorithm to remember you?
By the way, I believe @CeeEmStone recently wrote a piece about the book-a-month algorithm for Medium.
The excuse that she has to keep her books visible in the algorithm FOR HER MANY FANS doesn't make a lot of sense. She's talking about GAINING new readers.
Now she says she "studied" and "researched" bestselling authors but didn't copy them exactly. Except for, obviously, when she directly copied the cover of Cocky Bastard.
OMG. Gotta had to back up to get a quote.
"These six brothers and how they interact with each other and then their subsequent next generation? That's an original thing." Um. No. That's literally the entire paranormal romance genre from 1997 to 2014.
"Let me tell you another story real quick." About her...roommate who inspired her first book but who she didn't have a romantic relationship with. But we need to hear about his deep voice.
If you're finding any of this thread redeeming or entertaining or useful in any way, I've got my ko-fi link in my bio. Because god damn, this is work.
Like, she's been explaining what FB ads are and how they work for what seems like FOREVER. Again, she equates marketing with art, then saying she's not about commerce, she's an artist/business woman.
When she takes out FB ads, it's not to get sales. "I hate even calling it an ad. It's more of a connection." HER marketing is pure and artistic, whereas everyone else's is apparently just for money? What is her point? Because that's what marketing is. It's about money.
I cannot reconcile, "It's not about money" with all those letters threatening that she would take away people's LTD royalties and how she's trying to get a certain amount of cents per click.
Recommends Kboards but warns that there are a lot of bullies. And as I typed this, she mentions bullies again.
Just so you know, she gave her readers something different by writing shorts about what happens after the books. 🙄 Other authors doing this are apparently not doing the same thing she is doing when they do that.
Apparently, the video has been taken down from FB, but it's still playing in the window I have open, so I guess if I don't refresh, I can continue watching the remaining HALF A FUCKING HOUR.
Her secret to phenomenal success is using FB ads and giving freebies to her mailing list. You're welcome. Now you, too, can be successful enough that nobody knows who you are.
Okay, pause, my grandma is here.
Okay. I'm back. I don't know where we are in the video or where we came from, but she's talking about loyalty from readers and the reading and OH FUCK SHE'S QUOTING TONY ROBBINS.
She says she wishes there was a sequel to When Harry Met Sally so you could find out what happened but like...there's an epilogue scene where they literally describe their wedding and how happy they are, so...
Okay, now she says she joined a FB group but she's not naming names because "you know who you are," so I'm thinking she's going to come back to the alleged copying and/or "cyberbullying".
Okay, more tearless-near-tears fake ass bullshit and "you have a problem with me? Bring it to me. I can take it."
She's not naming the person who helped her set up her FB reader group because she doesn't want people to attack her. Nobody is going to attack another author for helping someone set up a FB reader group. She describes the group as "exclusive" and hard to get in.
Which to me, sorry, just makes me think she's bragging about exclusivity to cover for not having a lot of readers in the group. 😂
She says she doesn't allow negativity or naming and shaming other authors within the group, but that doesn't really follow with some things people who have left her group have been saying. Whatever.
"So, when the bullies are out there saying, 'your supporters aren't out here!' I told them in the group, don't. Protect yourselves. Stay. Away." Okay...
Earlier in the video, she talks about authors not "controlling" their readers and talks about her "fans" are great and never do stuff. Now, she's saying they won't defend her publically because she's martyring herself for them or something?
I am beyond grossed out that she seems to view readers as an extension of an author that the author can control, like an arm or a leg. Also, it's bullshit. She's not receiving public support because people don't support her. Except for the lurkers, obviously. In email.
Oh, wait, now she's saying that her legions of fans have been defending her anyway when she never asked because they're so amazing and they're family.
Me, looking for these thousands of Faleena defenders:
She keeps referencing how her IG account "got closed down". Did IG close her account or did she? Also, she's talked twice now about how important it is to not bash men. I didn't realize bashing men had become a part of the original issue, but okay.
"The crux of it is, really, in the end [...]" Eighteen minutes from the end of the video. She now claims she started the video with talking about self-publishing. She did not.
The video stopped playing and when I hit play again, I got a message saying, "This content is no longer available," yadda yadda, can't be displayed, is temporarily unavailable, etc. So, sorry, can't recap those last 18 minutes.
But that's what most of it was. Just. Nonsense about how we're all jealous that she's an innovator who is super original at doing that same thing thousands of writers were already doing before her. And everyone is a hater and she's a princess of light.
OH HO! Someone put it on YouTube. Under a really mean title. But still. I can finish this. HURRAY.
She says the people who are hating on her hate her because they don't understand how she got to where she is. More claims of how she doesn't care about what's going on. She's just over there typing, trying to connect with people. Complete with typing fingers and sound effects.
More stabbing motions/sound effects. And she says she's glad the haters are targeting her and not someone else. Me, too, frankly. Because if we'd targeted someone else for what YOU DID, FALEENA, YOU DID THIS IT WAS YOU, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE BEING TARGETED, it wouldn't make sense.
"You guys think you're like, 'we're gonna take her down!' I'm like, 'yeah, no, maybe not so much.'" No, you're...down. Like, your career is over. Like...you did that. But it's literally all over for you. Like...forever. I think she's not grasping that at all.
At one point she also said, "what's up with the bullying?" and she's acting like she has no clue *why* people are mad at her. She keeps coming back to how successful she is. She's acknowledged the C&Ds *once*, and that was just to shame people for screenshotting them.
She says this isn't a rant, but "very educational."
She again claims this video has always been about teaching other self-published authors how to be successful. "I gave you all the answers."
Now we're talking about her "feature film" and this actor she cast in it who was about to give up before she cast him. There is a MASSIVE savior complex here.
She's talking about the fucking Master Class again. She's fucking giving prices and shit and explaining the program AGAIN. All the fields covered and OH MY GOD SHE'S USING A CALCULATOR RIGHT NOW TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE MONTHLY PRICE WOULD BE WHY ARE YOU HEEEEEEEEERE STILL.
Now we're talking about David Fincher telling Ron Howard to use YouTube. This is like. For real what is happening in this video. "It's not extraneous information." WORDS MEAN THINGS.
She's talking again about how she researched, she became a better writer, how it took "some time." Two years. Two years in this business is not "some time" when it comes to career building and craft development.
The secret to her success is now google, youtube, and research. Guys. I'm so creeped out by this right now.
We're almost done. She's spouting a lot of shit about having dreams and being successful and how you can achieve anything. She has not addressed the trademark issue.
"If you want something that bad, it kills you if you don't have it. Trust me, I know." We do trust you about that. That's why you're trying to sabotage other authors.
This has become basically a video that's gone from, "I'm being attacked," to "please attack me," to "You're attacking because you're not as enlightened as I am, allow me to give you this pep talk so you can be successful and not mean anymore."
"It is 5 o'clock in the morning [...]". So, she's been up all night doing this. "There's a lot of hate and bullying" so she's going to have to have a family member read the comments.
But now we're back to, "I can take it," and "bring it on." But she has to protect herself. But bring it on?
She warns readers that if they're attacking her, they're ruining the careers of the authors they support. So, again, she doesn't see readers as people, she sees them as extensions of the author. If you're her reader, surprise. She thinks she controls you.
"This is why I don't spread hate." No, you spread C&D letters, threaten people's careers...
"Let me go back and just reiterate what I said in the beginning." YOU HAVE DONE THAT ALREADY MULTIPLE TIMES.
And she's doing the exact same speech from the very beginning about directing hate toward her, she can take it, bring it, leave other people alone. She's reading from a script, pausing and looking away in all the same spots.
"I didn't get that trademark to make authors suffer," she lied, lyingly.
"The truth is a lot of these books, some of them are like a year old and I'm clearing them out because they're copycats and they've ruined it for the rest of us." So, she's admitted twice now that she's going after books that predate her trademark (and use).
She mocks the authors whose books have been taken down or retitled, accusing them of trying to "get views".
Throughout the video, she will look into the camera and say, "You know who you are." She's done it twice now in one minute.
"Hate me all you want. I stand by what I've done." She claims the people defending the authors she's gone after are the ones doing damage to those authors, not her.
"I am the descendant of a slave." WHAT DID YOU JUST FUCKING
This woman has targeted mostly authors of color, from what people have told me. Now, she's saying no one can attack her because SHE is the descendant of a slave.
JUST A THOUGHT MAYBE SOME OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE CRITICIZING YOU MIGHT ALSO BE DESCENDANTS OF SLAVES AND MAYBE SLAVERY HAS BULL AND FUCKING SHIT TO DO WITH WHY WE'RE ANGRY WITH YOU.
People who are against her are "manipulating minds to get more book sales," and claims her sales are not going down.
"I don't like that this is happening to the indie community." That's more abusive language. It's "happening to" and she feels terrible about it, but it's not something she did or is causing.
Now she's saying that one-stars hurt an author's livelihood. So, one-star her, she can take it, it hasn't affected her sales, but it's affecting her livelihood.
More about how she can take it, focus it on her, bring it to her face, she's strong, she won't *breaks off and stares to hint at suicide, I assume*.
She understands that we "think" we're doing the right thing and she wants to listen to us. Then she wishes everyone happy reading and logs off.
So, that's the video. PS. I used "we're" in a way up there that suggests *I* am the descendant of slaves, I'm not, I just poorly structured that sentence when I tried to include *everyone* who is mad.
And yes. This woman is a full-on "Cathy".
