Thread by @kazweida

I’ve tried to be open about my struggles with anxiety.

But if you don’t know anyone with a diagnosed anxiety disorder, you might not have a real understanding of what that means.

Here’s what it’s like for me to live with anxiety.
#ThisIsMe

(2)Child abuse survivors often develop anxiety disorders as a result of prolonged trauma.

Imagine living years in a home where you never felt safe. Where the only person you could trust was you.

That anxiety plants seeds that blossom in adulthood & poison intimate relationships

(3) In addition to sabotaging relationships, this created a crushing sense of self blame and a relentless need for perfection. If anything went wrong, I should have known better. I should have edged out of that room when I smelled alcohol on his breathe.

My fault. Mine.

(4) Those are the causes. Here’s the effect.

From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, my thoughts are like a runaway freight train. My brain is so busy & loud, I wonder that people can’t hear it, furiously churning through to do lists

I am incapable of being in the moment

(5) This steals joy in sneaky ways. It bleeds my relationships with my kids and my husband dry. And it makes it hard to center yourself on feeling alive. The warmth of the sun on your face, the brilliance of the stars, the grass between your toes. I don’t often get to feel that.

(6) Anxiety is also a relentless master. It makes your heart race & your breath catch when your kid misses the school bus. And all the way home you berate yourself. My fault. Mine.

That hectic anxious rush will rattle around in my brain and my chest the whole rest of the day.

(7) Even minor changes to routine and expectations can be devestating.

If I don’t get the bag I’m used to at the gym, I’ll spend the whole class agitated. I need to be close to the door with no one behind me.

This need for control makes it hard for me to be in public spaces.

(8) I have panic attacks rarely but only because I am able to carefully control my life. I do, however, have specific triggers.

For me, it’s my kids being sick. Even a small sniffle sends me into a tailspin of panic. I develop chronic insomnia and, embarrassingly, paranoia.

(9) I’m lucky. I have a great therapist & friends who know how to handle my anxiety.

Don’t look me in the eye. Sit close so I can feel your normal breath. Just talk. About the sky or your day or a movie.

Somewhere in those moments, I will find my calm & match my breath to yours

(10) The most important thing you can do for a person with anxiety is to be aware & understand how to help.

And to normalize mental health. It’s as important for us to keep our minds healthy as it is to see a doctor or a dentist. Everyone struggles sometimes.

#ThisIsMe