This is my 500th. Day in Office and we have accomplished a lot - many believe more than any President in his first 500 day. Massive Tax Cuts for the rich have sent the Debt SOARING to $21 Trillion. The annual deficit is now $1 Trillion. Gas Prices are up an incredible 25%...
... I have convinced the Fake News media to stop reporting on my promise to give everyone better Quality HEALTHCARE at a Fraction of the Cost. Instead I have taken healthcare from millions and Premiums are going through the Roof! Don't get sick people, or you will be fucked bigly
In slightly better news, Foreign Governments have been very eager to bail out my failing businesses! Diplomats now stay at Trump Hotels, Ivanka has been granted more Chinese trademarks than I can count and China just wrote a $500 million check for Trump Indonesia...
Here in America, I've unleashed the incredible power corporate polluters to poison our air and water. So maybe don't let your kids play outside as asthma will no longer be covered as a pre-existing condition. I also let nearly 5,000 die in Puerto Rico but let's not dwell on that.
More than anything, America is being recognized as a world leader in CORRUPTION! Allies have been alienated but I have made new friends with some of the world's finest "Strong Men" and dictators who are giving me great tips about dismantling democracy and rigging elections!
Because my PARDON power is absolute, I have asked Don, Jr. and Jared to cut as many more "deals" as possible with foreign governments who want to give us so-called "emoluments" which GOP leaders say they will continue to turn a blind eye to. Nudge nudge wink wink say no more.
