This was supposed to be quiet, fun weekend with girlfriends celebrating our dear friend who's getting married soon. Attempting to be present for that while ensuring folks are aware of what happened at Cuba Libre before the paint dries on this story has been exhausting. (thread)
The last thing I would want is for folks to believe this whole incident was a "misunderstanding" and for the news cycle to move on with that impression set in stone. This was a blatant act of discrimination that was entirely intentional to humiliate transgender people.
People make honest mistakes. At times, I'm accidentally misgendered. I attempt to negotiate mistakes made in good faith with grace and understanding. This was not an honest mistake on the part of the manager at @CubaLibreDC. This was a direct attack on LGBTQ people.
Another person at the restaurant who identifies and presents as non-binary but assigned "female" at birth was also requested to show an ID on Friday night. No one else. The restaurant blatantly lied to police about asking to see the IDs of all patrons using the restroom.
I cannot stress enough the intentionality of this incident. The manager was hostile, condescending, and hateful. And my biggest fear is that this will happen again to someone without my privilege. Someone who's not white, doesn't have a wide network, doesn't know the law, etc.
So, this weekend, I have tried my best to articulate this story and communicate the violent nature of what took place on Friday night while also trying to be present for my friends and what was meant to be a celebratory weekend with girlfriends.
My job at the Human Rights Campaign is being part of an amazing team who communicate the pervasiveness of anti-LGBTQ bigotry in this country, and I would not have been doing my job and recognizing my privilege if I didn't immediately call attention to this incident.
And yet... this is just tiring. If it's possible for someone with my privilege, my platform, my job, to experience this in one of the most LGBTQ-friendly cities in the country, imagine what it's like for LGBTQ folks living in towns + cities without non-discrimination protections.
I want to also say that I feel bad for the staff members at @CubaLibreDC who would never pull such a stunt and affirm the LGBTQ people in our community. My bartender was lovely and welcoming. After I was kicked out, I asked my friend to get my card and give her a big tip.
I don't know what happens next. Once I've discussed this with the D.C. Office of Human Rights tomorrow, a solution will be clearer. I don't want LGBTQ-affirming staff at Cuba Libre to lose business, but the manager and staff who did this need to face consequences.
Given the behavior of the manager, I cannot accept that "training" will improve his worldview. He had countless chances to make things right. Even after police informed him that he was wrong, 40 ft. away from me, he clearly refused to make amends. Is there training for decency?
I am very tired, and despite how amazing my girlfriends and the bride-to-be have been with all this, I feel bad for this distracting from a weekend that should have been about her. I'm so sorry this happened, @emilycrockett. Thank you for being incredibly wonderful.
And thank you to the numerous folks who have reached out with support. There is no way in hell I can respond to all of it, but I appreciate you. Take that fire and register to vote. Call for non-discrimination protections in your towns and cities. Never let this happen anywhere.
