Fuck it I’m 2 minutes in and I’m already annoyed. Let the #Sorkining begin!
Molly’s Game starts with Sorkin’s most famous way to introduce characters: someone reads you their resume, hitting each beat to personally tell you how smart they are. (Since this script is at least about a real person it may be one time it’s real? #Sorkining
I never watched Moneyball but my guess is the script is all numbers said at a fast clip to sound impressive. #Sorkining
10 minutes in and I’m wondering if all of Molly’s Game is going to be narrated. #Sorkining. Yeesh, Aaron, have you heard of “show, don’t tell?”
Oh god it IS going to be all narration! #Sorkining
Ok time for a cat break #SorkiningOnPause 
Ok back to #Sorkining. So even when there’s NOT narration, characters just...narrate everything. Lawyer asks: Have you slept? Character: Gives hour-by-hour description of everything that happened to her since her arrest.
Oh skipped an Ocean’s 11 poker table with celebrities we aren’t naming rip-off. Or is it an omage? #Sorkining
So Kevin Costner is supposed to be playing the abusive father that explains the lead character’s motivations. Except it’s so hard not to see Allison Janney doing this bit SO much more convincingly in I, Tonya. Costner is acting more like he’s Clark Kent’s Dad. #Sorkining
Ohhhh maybe Kevin Costner in Man of Steel was supposed to be the first emotionally-abusive Pa Kent. It would explain a lot about that Superman being a dick. #Sorkining
Sorkin loves his lines so much he has characters repeat them in different scenes, not just twice in a row like he normally does. #Sorkining
Oh I haven’t talked about “evil Michael Cera.” It’s so bad. Picture his evil acting in End of the World and transfuse it with Sorkinese. Remember when Jesse Esenberg was called “discount Michael Cera?” It should have been other way around. #Sorkining
I say something positive here: even though “glasses = smart” is a cliche, Jessica Chastain looks just too damned amazing with her cats’ eye makeup and dark glasses. #Sorkining
OH GOD THE NARRATION PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!! #Sorkining
It makes me irrationally happy to see Strangers Things’ “Steve” on screen with his floppy hair. #Sorkining
OMG I just figured it out. Molly’s Game (2017) is what happened when Aaron Sorkin saw Wolf Of Wall Street (2013) and thought “that looks cool. I bet I can do that.” NO SWEETIE YOU CAN’T. You’re not Martin Scorsese and Terrance Winter all rolled up into one. #Sorkining
So Sorkin used the same “man orders an Appletini because it’s ridiculous” line that he used in The Social Network. Dude, that script won you an Oscar. You can’t repeat the jokes that already won you awards. #Sorkining
Ok there’s a line “for the record your father raised 3 kids on a college professor’s salary” and I think we’re supposed to take that it meant money was tight? Look I know better than most college professors ain’t making what people think, but it’s not minimum wage. #Sorkining
Oh god Kevin Costner IS playing emotionally abusive Pa Kent but just like in Man of Steel, the movie thinks HIS PARENTING WAS GOOD BECAUSE HE LOVES HER! #Sorkining
Oh god this writing is so awful. Sorkin is also doing a weak-ass The Cruicible “his favorite play” and he actually cited it earlier in the script. You’re not supposed to name the actual title of the thing you are omaging. #Sorkining
Welp it’s finally over. I think I earned my mug tonight #Sorkining
Final thought: you know I never really understood why film criticism is so hard on film narration. But after hearing a whole movie of it I now loathe it. #Sorkining
