(Tangent: Author Goal: Reader so excited for next book they scrape the change out of the couch to buy it.)
Eddings does love a prologue. Every book in these series, as well as the Elenium/Tamuli has them, and they are PURE infodump.
But it’s such a young-kid-who’s-learned-one-thing thing to do. #BelgariadRead
(Side quest is pretty much the rest of Pawn of Prophecy.)
Oh hahahahaha no.
It’s just time for Pol to mock Garion. #BelgariadRead
#BelgariadRead
Where Asharak is waiting.
#BelgariadRead
I'm kidding, that completely doesn't happen.
#BelgariadRead
He’s got his horse by rein
And a black curly mane
Jousting’s his game
Where he brings the pain
All the same
He won’t refrain
From showing Lelldorin his disdain.
#BelgariadRead
Even still, I feel like the narrative was all “All right, here’s a cool guy: Lelldorin! Oh, wait, never mind him, here’s a REALLY cool guy. Let’s get rid of the other one.” #BelgariadRead
I’m just saying, the geography is hardly convenient for Murgos to slip in, engage in casual murder-for-murder’s-sake, and slip out again. #BelgariadRead
I think the Eddings had no children, I’m just saying.
#Belgariad
It’s an immensely satisfying sequence, as everyone is freaked by Asharak catching fire, and Polgara telepathically pushing Garion to keep it up, including telling him Asharak killed his parents. #Belgariad
"Dear Emperor,
I am currently in trade negotiations with a snake.
WHY!?!?!?!
May I please come home?
Yours,
Lord Marada Borune
Ambassador to Nyissa."
Plus Brill is a Murgo, but looks Sendarian, because… reasons? It’s not clear. But NOW Silk realizes that Brill is Something More. I wonder if that was always the plan. #Belgariad
Because he doesn't sweat, he SHINES.
#Belgariad
ISSA: So we’re all making our totem animals talk, right?
MARA: I don’t have a totem animal. I’m just ‘weeping’.
NEDRA: I’m going to give you something to weep about.
ISSA: Well, my snakes talk.
BELAR: Usdamnit, you guys.
#Belgariad
POLGARA: You have to stop being an idiot.
GARION: But you haven’t explained—
POLGARA: See, he doesn’t listen! I tried! (Walks away.)
#Belgariad
So UL shows up and tells him otherwise.
#Belgariad
Garion is all, “Won’t that mean you won’t get that special baby, though?”
#Belgariad
Singing in Marag.
Belgarath is just amazed. This is what he’s been looking for for millennia. #Belgariad
WORST.
GOD.
EVER.
DID YOU EVEN LOOK, MARA?
Or were you too busy crying to even try?
#Belgariad
She’s sexy.
SUPER SEXY.
For real, Taiba gets the most thorough description of lips, eyes, eyelashes, figure and exposed skin of any character. She gets male-gazed like nobody's business. #Belgariad
They leave her some food and light and go up to finish their mission, promising to come back for her.
#Belgariad
ARE THERE NO HANDRAILS? Where the Murgo OSHA?
#Belgariad
Except…. no Ce’Nedra.
He’s all, “I can get her anywhere!” And Belgarath counters, “Even in Ulgo?” Whoops. #Belgariad
Step One: Let them all in.
Step Two: Nothing.
Step Three: Victory!
He never read the Evil Overlord checklist, did he?
#Belgariad
Chekov’s Gun: Fired.
#Belgariad
Relg: I’m sure she’s dead.
Polgara; (JUST STARES)
Relg: FINE.
#Belgariad
(Reminder, said gambit was: let them just sneak in with no plan B.)
See you next week with CASTLE OF WIZARDRY. #Belgariad
Maybe Taiba is a low-key sorceress who only has hair magic. #Belgariad
Garion, to no reader’s surprise, absolutely can. #Belgariad
#Belgariad
That ends Algaria, next, onto Riva! #Belgariad
I honestly wonder if anyone’s done fan art of this moment… #Belgariad
Much applause.
A creepy amount of “HAIL BELGARION!”
Exception Ce’Nedra, who just LOSES IT, shouting “OH, NO!”
#Belgariad
I think it’s also an excellent way to end this chapter, because you have this big moment the whole series has been leading up to, and then Eddings just PUNCTURES it. Love it. #Belgariad
Because the text painted their marriage as terrible, and while it puts some of that on Barak, the text REALLY REALLY wants to lay much of it at Merel’s feet, that she’s just a horrible person. Silk outright says as much in Pawn. #Belgariad
And why?
BECAUSE SHE HAS GIVEN BIRTH TO A SON.
#Belgariad
IT”S WORSE.
Because it’s GAVE BIRTH TO A BOY CHILD.
They had two daughters, but who cares about them? They don’t solve their parents’ marriage. #Belgariad
HAVING A BOY “FIXES” HER.
#Belgariad
YOU’RE GOING TO WANT TO BRACE YOURSELVES.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO FIND YOUR COPY OF THE BOOKS AND GET READY FOR SOME THROWING.
(Consider this a Content Warning for where I'm going....)
#Belgariad
Barak drunkenly forced his way into Merel’s bedchamber, demanding her marital duties. DESPITE HER REFUSALS.
Yeah, that’s pretty damn rapey.
#Belgariad
Drunken Spousal Rape—> Boy Child
Boy Child —> “Fixes” the Wife.
.
.
!
!
BARAK’S RAPE OF MEREL MADE HER INTO A GOOD, LOVING WIFE.
!
!
WTF???
#Belgariad
I mean, I am going to continue with this re-read but...
BUT.
The levels of “your fave is problematic” has hit a new quantum shell.
More tomorrow.
#Belgariad
Because Polgara is throwing a *quality* tantrum, as only the greatest sorceress can. #Belgariad
Either way, Layla sets Ce’Nedra’s head straight. #Belgariad
Now, the Tolnedran legions, that’s a different story. #Belgariad
OH THE MORINDIM.
Get out your luggage, because we need to unpack some stuff. #Belgariad
YES BLACKFACE IS THE PLAN.
Also they wear rabbits skins and fake tattoos to pass.
#Belgariad
This is so problematic, I’m not even sure what else needs to be said. But let’s dig into “devil-worhsipping”. #Belgariad
Nah, instead we a demon fight where Belgarath raises a demon to fight the demon some other Morindim magician raises, because that guy wants a fight. #Belgariad
It’s not clear what Morindim magicians do other than have Kaiju fights, though. #Belgariad
ROMANCE FOR THE AGES.
Everyone gets a heteronormative pairing!
#Belgariad
It’s another suitably cinematic moment. #Belgariad
Then the eternal cloud over Cthol Mishrak fades, and the stars shine. #Belgariad
Hettar & Adara: YOU GET A HETERONORMATIVE PAIRING!
Relg & Taiba: YOU GET A HETERONORMATIVE PAIRING!
Durnik & Polgara: YOU GET A HETERONORMATIVE PAIRING!
Garion & Ce’Nedra: YOU GET A HETERONORMATIVE PAIRING!
#Belgariad
Guess.
GUESS.
Yes, it’s Rhodar because he’s fat!
Sigh.
#Belgariad