Thread by @marcusolang

We often think about abuse in intimate relationships, but what about abuse in workplace/working relationships? Do we recognise that as an actual thing that happens, or do we write it off as "just work"?

We've all have a friend who's been through it:
A boss who shouts at them.
A boss who constantly accuses them of mistakes they had nothing to do with.
Who constantly shifts the goalposts, making up rules & requirements that even they do not follow.

Who used something you told them in confidence against you - either with others or publicly.
Who creates tasks, assignments, deadlines, demands that are quite obviously rather unreasonable.

Who constantly employs threats and intimidation, and you get the feeling that they do it to remind you who's boss.
Who ignores your opinions & contributions - even going as far as to take the credit for your work.

Or maybe you're that friend.
Maybe you're that person that shouts, that shifts goalposts, that creates unreasonable deadlines, that threatens, demeans, belittles...

That, ladies and gentlemen, is also abuse.

I know we often talk about abuse in the context of marriage and relationships, but abuse happens at work as well - a lot more than we should accept & a lot more than we recognise.

Think about it. It's a space where you spend the vast majority of your productive hours. For many people, home is pretty much as good as a hotel room - arrive, eat, shower, sleep, leave, repeat.

And for a place where we spend the vast majority of our waking hours, why do we allow ourselves to be damaged in this way? Why do we allow others to go through it? Why do we put others through it?

No, I'm not taking the "It's work" excuse.
You can work professionally and productively without tormenting others.
You can work without belittling others.
Without being inconsiderate and unreasonable.

Without, in some cases, taking pleasure in other people's failures because you see that as a chance for you to swoop in and save the day.

Whether it's corporate life, agency life, and even within our homes and businesses.

It's a thought that struck me after my one of my many posts on abuse in relationships. If we recognise what abuse looks like in intimate relationships, then surely we must be open to recognising abuse and abusive behaviour in workplace relationships.

Surely.

After my post on abuse in the workplace not too long ago, a couple of people reached out to me privately via Inbox & DM and shared their stories.

I've kept names out of it for understandable reasons. And these stories are heartbreaking. This is one of them.

Person 1: "Thanks for the post on abuse at the workplace. Been through it all before. Had one lady boss who made interpret what the look on her face meant whenever I made a suggestion."

"I was told how shady I was. 'Shamba' was what she always called me. Criticised my hair, nails, clothing. Everything! I was given tasks she knew I couldn't accomplish. Then I'd be hauled to her desk for a public humiliation. Wueh."

"I cried every day. When I joined the team, the others warned me and told me that their outlet was the bar next door... So they'd go there for a shot and a smoke after her meetings. It was the only way to survive.
I refused to turn to alcohol to survive her madness."

"My Mum, who I was still living with at the time, told me to quit. I had no children. No responsibilities. She didn't want me to continue suffering under her."

"I felt like crap for a while there and realised how important it is to treat colleagues like people. Like humans. And promised myself to never do that to anyone else."