Thread by @marcusolang

I've said a couple of these things before, and I'll say them again.

1. Suicide is not selfish.
We need to understand something: By the time a person makes the conscious decision to take their own life, they have thought it through time and again.

By the time a person makes that decision, and plans it, and goes through with it, they've likely convinced themselves that the very kids, family, and friends you're talking about may be better off without them.

Do you realise how much agony and mental anguish you'd be in for you to get to that point? Do you realise how dark and hopeless you'd feel your life has become, before deciding that the people you love would be happier without you?

And with all these thoughts crossing your mind, how do you not see how deep such a pain would cut a person?

2. Depression isn't something that's cured with alcohol.
There's a belief that alcohol helps drown sorrows - there's an entire saying that expresses as much. It's not a thing that disappears with a hangover the next day.

If anything, alcohol is merely a temporary escape - it doesn't deal with the issue.

That's in part why I believe that a lot of people here suffer from depression but don't realise it: We gather in bars every weekend, drink ourselves silly, laugh about our drunken selves, and tell ourselves we now have the energy to face the coming week. And the cycle continues.

3. Depression and suicide are two different things.
We tend to conflate these two. They may be related in some cases, but they are two different things.

Suicide comes from a place of hopelessness. You feel like you're out of options. You feel there's no other way. You feel helpless. Useless. Like life has no point. So it becomes the only way.

Now this is why suicide is a separate issue from depression: One can live with depression and manage it. Suicide, on the other hand, doesn't necessarily come from a point of depression. Could be money issues at play. Could be work problems. Relationship issues. Could be anything.

My point: Depression may contribute to the decision to commit suicide, but the two aren't necessarily directly linked.

4. We'll need to, at some point, also talk about work culture in Kenya. We entertain workplace abuse in the name of driving productivity. We tolerate bosses who are outright abusive to their juniors and colleagues in the name of driving results.

We make people slaves to their jobs, making them work inhumane hours and cutting them off from their support network and the rest of the world. We punish leave days, weekends and time off. We call people at odd hours and rain hell upon them for not picking our calls.

We allow superiors to shout at staff and call them names. It's ABUSE. Plain and simple. We allow abusive behaviour in workplaces and pretend it's a natural thing. It's not natural. It needs to stop.

So let's agree to do a couple of things:
i. We need to commit to basic empathy. People go through things in life. Each one of us. Let's give each other the benefit of doubt. And space to breathe.

ii. Learn to listen. When someone says they're feeling depressed in some form or the other, fine, go for a drink. But the drink need not be the end of that story. Follow up with them. Listen to them. Just listen.

iii. (This is the toughest one:) If you're in trouble, reach out. I know, it's not easy. Especially when you're in that space. I know it's hard because I've been there.

I've been there, and it took every last ounce of energy left in me to make those calls telling my people that I wasn't ok. But as I came to learn, someone somewhere may give a damn about you.

We can be better, friends.
We can be better to ourselves, and we can especially be better to each other.

We can be better.

Just seen this thanks to @tugengirl: If you want to reach out but don't have a person you can directly talk to, there's niskize.co.ke.
24 hours a day. 7 bob a minute. For 100 bob, you have a solid 15 minutes with a counsellor.
Save the number: 0900 620 800.