So. This is me below. Racist $100,000 Pyramid Guy. Let me tell you the story about perhaps the most embarrassing moment of my life. #KillMe (Thread 1/13)
I was on $100,000 Pyramid. I’m playing with Tim Meadows, one of my heroes from SNL. My son had been born two weeks prior. I am very tired but excited to win money for my family. We play up the whole tired Dad thing. (2/13)
The producers of the show tell us beforehand, if we get to the final round, to study the questions VERY hard. “People misread them!” They say. They have no idea. (3/13)
I lose my first round. I think, oh well… no Pyramid for me. Then Meadows and I go on a run in the second round. We’re having fun, he’s cracking jokes! This is great. (4/13)
I make it to the final round. I remember what the producers said. I try and focus. READ THE QUESTIONS CAREFULLY. (5/13)
The first square flips. I breathe. I read “People Whose Last Name is Obama.” I freeze. There’s only one. BARACK OBAMA. The man I would have voted for three times*! (*H/T Jordan Peele) (6/13)
“Who else is a famous Obama?” My brain is racing. I need to list multiple people. I can’t just say Barack. What I should have said was, “Michelle, Sasha, Malia, Bo! The PORTUGUESE WATER DOG BO!” (7/13)
Here’s what my brain decided. Who is associated with Obama? Who did he kill? What sounds like Obama! (8/13)
And so you have this perfectly viral clip. A clip that is insanely funny. It would be so funny if it wasn’t me. The editing is impeccable. The little breath I take? I’m working so hard to get it right. (9/13)
But this just goes to show you that even a liberal Globalist Cuck like yours truly has some inherent racism lurking in my brain. What a disaster. (10/13)
What you don’t see in this clip is me, shocked, correcting myself and saying Barack. Tim gets the answer. We get stumped on Margarita a few questions later. Turns out Margarita is Tim Meadow’s Grandmother’s name. (11/13)
Tim feels bad he lost the money for me, because he's sweet. Kathy Najimy can't look me in the eye. I leave knowing that my day of reckoning is coming. Maybe they can cut it out? They can't... it's timed. (12/13)
I leave with $8500... and the story of the worst pyramid guess of all-time. (13/13 Fin)
