Thread by @gloriousbeth

GOOD EVENING ALL

A STORY THREAD ON HOW EVANGELICAL THEOLOGY ENABLES AND PROMOTES ABUSIVE PERSONALITIES

Evangelicalism teaches that you have to extend an olive branch to fellow “followers of Christ” when they’ve hurt you. If you’re offended, you must first confront that person one-on-one/try to work things out.

It’s the Biblical system of conflict resolution, they say.

This sounded reasonable and heartwarmingly grace-filled to me until my roommate, who also led my Bible study, screamed at me for throwing a napkin in the trash before she tied the bag.

After I experienced my normal bout of post-getting yelled at self deprecation, I realized “Wow, that was wrong. And there’s no way this adult human who just lost her shit on me doesn’t know that.”

I didn’t receive an apology, nor did I hold my breath for one, as this was typical behavior for her. But when I had enough of the outbursts & wanted to find a new roommate, the church said that God disagreed w/ my desire.

They insisted that I, rather, approach her about her behavior and give her a chance to reform.

“God will not bless your home if you don’t abide by his law,” they warned. Essentially, if I didn’t listen to them, I’d be leaving my front door open for spiritual attack.

And I think now, dear Barbara does evangelicalism enable the fuck out of abusers. Via the logic that they ACTUALLY PRACTICE, it’s the victim’s responsibility to manage the personality of the one who abused them.

If they don’t, the victim will pay for it. God will relinquish his protection.

In what universe does that parse? Via what definition of justice does that make any goddamn sense?

Now, I was already on my way out of the church/seeing the light of reason when this went down, so I didn’t take the pastor’s advice.

But when I had the “we should part ways because you have anger issues and yell at me frequently” conversation, my roommate got even angrier and, unknowingly, repeated the pastor.

“You never told me how you felt!” I remember her specifically saying.

Translation: *You never told me to stop, so it’s your fault that I did it in the first place.*

So alas. This is where evangelicalism’s interpretation of Biblical conflict resolution leaves us.

People in the church can be massive assholes and go about their day, because they don’t need to deal with it unless someone gets the courage to confront them.

And when we apply that to an entire spectrum of abusive situations, it’s fucking terrifying.

And when we realize the way these teachings GROOM people in evangelicalism to act this way, it’s equally as terrifying.

This girl EXPECTED me to tell her that her clearly wrong actions were wrong. She grew up in an environment, a community, that didn’t hold her accountable unless her victims broke the cycle she put them in.

It’s no wonder these churches bear the fruit of narcissistic manipulation. It’s no wonder evangelicalism lacks a fundamental understanding of empathy.

It chooses to support a hermeneutic that puts the abuser first, and that ripples right to the top - where its leaders, who make the rules, benefit the most.

(SIDE NOTE: If that’s not a cult, I don’t know what a cult even is.)