Today’s horrible tale from history takes us to Munich, in the Year of Our Lord 1600. It’s July 29, and we’re working our way through a crowd of city-dwellers who have come to see the execution of the terrible, infernal & most foul Pappenheimers. THREAD! /1 (CW: Torture) 
The Pappenheimers, it is claimed, are a family of five - Paulus, Anna, Jacob, Gumpprecht and Hoel - responsible for hundreds of murders in the countryside around Munich, aided and abetted by dark magick and the hand of Satan himself! /2
Let us pause here, though, for a moment. Is it likely that one family could be responsible for so many crimes? What’s the story here? Could there be something else happening? The Pappenheimers - not even their real name - hail from Swabia, some distance away. 3/
The Gämperles, as they should be known, are a family down on their luck. To begin with, they belong to the lowest strata of Bavarian society - Anna is the daughter of a gravedigger, about as ‘low-caste’ as you can get. They make a living by begging and as labourers. /4
The Gämperles are here because they were turned in by a thief, already rotting in a dungeon, who claims that they helped him murder women for their unborn foetuses, to use in black magic. That’s it. That’s the sum of the evidence. Do you believe it? I sure don’t! /5
Sure there’s confessions, but we all know how they were obtained - they’ve been locked up in the Falkenturm (which will, in 418 years, be a luxury hotel) being tortured by the city’s hangman - confessions being essential for an execution to take place. 6/
There’s also the fact that the Gämperles are Lutherans in Catholic Bavaria, & the new Elector, Maximilian, has been looking for a scapegoat for unsolved crimes. They confessed to trafficking with the Devil - it wouldn’t be the first time Lutherans have been described this way. /7
So what happens next - let’s find a good spot and try to see. Oh - the hangman is using red hot pincers to tear the flesh of Paulus, Jacob and Gumpprecht! You can hear the screams from here! Anna, a fifty year old woman, is having her breasts cu- I don’t want to look! /8
The family, bloody and whimpering in pain, is being put onto a cart. Hoel seems to think the parade has been put on for his benefit - how dreadful! They arrive at the Neuhauser Gate, where they are made to pray. The executioners are now giving them some wine - a small mercy? /9
Finally, we’re at the place of execution - the hangman demands silence. The judge reads the sentence. Paulus is dragged to a beam where he is tied down. Then, the hangman grabs a wagon wheel and begins slowly, methodically, breaking Paulus’ arms. /10
Jacob is next, then Gumpprecht. It’s taking so long - how can it take so long? Finally, all writhe in agony, and Anna and Hoel look on horrified. As a final indignity, Paulus is impaled, through the posterior, on a wooden stake. /11
The hangman has his assistants pile up some faggots in front of four nearby stakes. Anna, Paulus, Jacob and Gumpprecht are tied to them, then the wood lit. After some initial muffled screams, it’s quickly over. Hoel sobs, however, as he watches his mother squirm. 12/
Look around us - you can see a few men in the crowd sketching the execution, taking notes. By this time tomorrow, work will have begun on pamphlets that will spread across the Holy Roman Empire, telling off the horrific reign and terrible end of the Pappenheimer family. 13/
All of this really happened. It was extensively documented and became a sensation at the time - almost a tale to tell the kids when they were naughty - don’t mess around or you’ll end up like the Pappenheimers. /14
What was obviously a show trial, in order to dissuade criminals and place a ruler’s stamp as he began his reign became nightmarish tale that would end up informing the witch trials that would kill hundreds - the name of the Pappenheimers was evoked constantly. /15
We like to trust in the law. We like to believe what we hear. However, remember - both the law, and the stories we tell, can be used as weapons. Sometimes they can take off a terrifying life of their own. /FIN
PS. Hoel was executed a few months later. He was 10.
