THREAD: Through all of the revelations around #Kavanaugh, I have been feeling anger, but also (oddly) gratitude that I have never been assaulted. And then, I was reading a friend's post about her assault, and realized, I'd repressed mine.
Let's be clear- this isn't a "recovered" memory. It's just that I didn't even THINK of it. It was just so normalized. For those who are victims of assault thinking, "how did she forget, I can't ever seem to forget," let me explain./2
In my 30's, when I was married with 2 kids, I went out for an 80's night at a local bar. I was meeting a couple of girlfriends there. It was the first time I had been out without my husband or kids in literally YEARS. I arrived at the bar early, and was waiting at the bar./3
2 guys were there and they started talking to me. I am a friendly person and I talked back. I mentioned that I was waiting for friends, that I was excited to be out for 80's night and that my kids were home with my husband. They chatted back./4
One was in between apartments and staying at his friend's house. As they were talking to me, I ordered a beer. They offered to pay. I declined and paid myself. It was a bar where they didn't give bottles, but put things in plastic cups. /5
The bartender passed the cup to the guy to pass to me. He passed it to his friend who handed it to me. At that point, my friends arrived. I said good-bye to the guys, wished them luck and went over to my friends. I drank about half my beer & went to the dance floor with them./6
I never went back to the beer, because I'd heard stories from my students. As I danced with my friends, the guys came over and were sort of leering. It made my friends nervous and we moved over to another spot. We were having fun./7
And then I got hot. The room was swimming. I felt sick. And strange. I needed air. I went outside to catch my breath and ended up sitting on the disgusting sidewalk outside the bar (something I would ordinarily NEVER do.) My friends came out./8
I felt disoriented and I just wanted to go to sleep. I told them I just wanted them to take me to the back of my MINIVAN so that I could sleep there until I felt better. It was a crazy thought but made sense in my addled state. Instead they took me to the ER./9
They knew something was wrong. The doctors assumed I was drunk. I told them I had consumed HALF of a beer. They didn't believe me until my friends backed me up (probably helped that we were all in our 30's). /10
The doctor nonchalantly informed me that someone had probably put something in my drink-- that they saw it all the time- and that they could test me for it, but that the guys change the substances all the time so the tests aren't really accurate. /11
He told me that the drug would be out of my system soon anyway. I was devastated. I cried. I cried that someone had done this to me. I cried that my daughter would grow up in a world like this. I cried that I was kicking myself for having a normal conversation w/those guys./12
I wondered why they would have thought I was interested in anything. I had been SOOOO clear. Of course, a guy who slips something in your drink doesn't care if you're interested. That's the whole point. /13
This was 5 years ago. I went home to my husband and kids and really never thought much about it because despite the best efforts of those assholes, nothing happened to me. My friends were there. They had my back. I was OK./14
I didn't forget it. I've used it as a cautionary story for students about always covering your drink and not letting anyone else even handle it. But until just now, I honestly didn't even think of it as an attempted assault/rape. Which it was. /15
So- #MeToo. #IBelieveChristine . And I am so mad! /END
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