Now that the madness has slowed for a sec: a friend pointed out that she’s been asked by several men what the best way might be to respond to difficult days like the past couple of days. And my DUDES...
This is a well-meaning question, and I applaud you for the thought behind asking it. I do! You wanna be proactive!
But it’s also true that women are disproportionately affected by this story and the unevolved ways dialogue plays out.
But it’s also true that women are disproportionately affected by this story and the unevolved ways dialogue plays out.
That has material consequences beyond the noise (And [gestures broadly] the noise is constant). Many women have to had to spend an unreasonable amount of time explaining, defending, always defending, while so many men get to play the “I’m just asking questions” card.
Men who are just asking questions about “where do we draw the line,” “aren’t both sides equal,” etc and what have you. They are [gestures broadly again] everywhere.
This has the effect of making enlightening dudes solely the responsibility of women. And that is TIME and effort. In addition to being intellectual labour, it’s also what lots of people call emotional labour.
A bunch of the women in your life call that their daily reality.
A bunch of the women in your life call that their daily reality.
So. On days like these — days in the news that you know are difficult for many women — you want to help, and be mindful of the weight out there. This is good.
But it’d be a mistake to message your fav woman and say I wanna help, can you do the thinking for me as to how to do it?
But it’d be a mistake to message your fav woman and say I wanna help, can you do the thinking for me as to how to do it?
The internet’s full of good writing on how to be helpful. Truth is, most of it is written by women. This writing is available and has always been available.
Look, it took me 17 seconds to find exactly what you’re looking for, and Google did it for me: gq.com/story/how-to-t…
Look, it took me 17 seconds to find exactly what you’re looking for, and Google did it for me: gq.com/story/how-to-t…
Another thing: take on the task of enlightening dudes in yer life. Send them columns —send them that column!— start discussions in yer group chats. About the things they’re “just asking questions” about.
Because I guarantee you if you don’t, they’ll put the labour on women.
Because I guarantee you if you don’t, they’ll put the labour on women.
This isn’t meant to be a ~dramatic~ thread or an attempt to virtue-signal etc, it’s just a few thoughts directed at dudes from a dude who has indeed put the labour on women to explain a thing when a google search would’ve done the trick. ‘Tis... not great. Don’t do it.
And to conclude, here is Macron staring down the meaninglessness of life, then drinking from that cup. 
