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Shefali Vaidya @ShefVaidya
, 12 tweets, 5 min read Read on Twitter

Want to become a #GoodHindu', but don't know how?
Here is a handy Ten Point Guide on How To Be A #GoodHindu, as devised by the great Shashi Tharoor himself, the ultimate authority doling out certificates of #GoodHinduHood'
# 10 Ask 'Why do we need another temple? We should build a hospital/orphanage/park/Shopping Mall/Bowling Alley at the disputed site in Ayodhya every time the topic of #RamTemple comes up. But do write glorifying the latest church or mosque that is being built anywhere in India.
# 9 - Chant the #GoodHindu' mantra, 'Terror Has No Religion' each time you hear of an Islamic Terror attack anywhere in the world. Blame poverty, education, trucks, planes, a traumatic childhood, mobile phones...anything but the I word!
# 8 - But if you want your #GoodHindu certificate from Tharoor, you MUST say 'These saffron terrorists are destroying the secular fabric of India. Modi must resign', each time you read about some random incident of violence where a Muslim or a Christian is a victim.
#7 - Practice saying the following statement, preferably in a faux British accent, 'Yoga, Ayurved and Meditation have got nothing to do with Hinduism. These are universal practices followed by the whole world, but do remember to mention Sati and caste when talking about Hindus.
#6 - Say 'Yoga is universal' but you must also say 'Teaching Suryanamaskars and Yoga in schools is a symbol of state oppression and is communal.' Do ask 'Why is this fascist government foisting Hinduism on my kids?' next time someone talks about teaching Yoga in schools.
#5 - To be certified as a #GoodHindu, You must remember to write senti stories abt how your 'poor dog' is troubled by Diwali crackers. But if someone writes about their love for cows, keep some pics of raw beef steaks handy in your phone so you can send it to them on SM.
# 4 - A Tharoor certified #GoodHindu always remembers 'drought affected farmers' just before #Holi, so you can heap guilt on children playing Holi with their pichkaris. You will get certified faster if you can think about drought while swimming in your own private swimming pool!
#3 - A Tharoor certified #GoodHindu has to be able to shout from the rooftops 'I don't follow any rituals. I go to the temple because my parents/wife/husband/in-laws/neighbor/the Great Satan makes me.'
#2 - To be a Tharoor certified #GoodHindu, you must be able to sneer at Hindu 'oppressed women' who follow outdated rituals like Karwachauth or Rakshabandhan. You will get certified faster if you make crass puns. But do support the 'right of a muslim woman to wear the veil'.
# 1 - And finally, the big one. A #GoodHindu must start every conversation with the legend 'Hinduism is not a religion. It is a way of life.' Follow it up with another, 'I am spiritual, not religious'. Don't worry if you don't know what it means. Even Shashi Tharoor doesn't!
If you have done all the ten things, sit back and relax. Your certificate of being a Tharoor certified #GoodHindu is on your way. May you have hair as freshly shampooed and sleek as Shashi Tharoor and may you have unlimited access to rooms at the Leela!
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