17 Ways to Sideline Your Idiot Coworkers
You know who they are.
They can’t get anything done without asking 1000 questions.
They can’t get through a meeting without giving 1000 opinions.
They interrupt your work flow.
They want to get involved in everything.
Not all is lost.
You know who they are.
They can’t get anything done without asking 1000 questions.
They can’t get through a meeting without giving 1000 opinions.
They interrupt your work flow.
They want to get involved in everything.
Not all is lost.
You didn’t hire them. Your idiot boss did.
And now you dread every meeting and every team project because of their stupid questions and idiotic requests.
You can do everyone a favor and encourage your idiot coworker to find better employment.
Plus, you can have some fun, too.
And now you dread every meeting and every team project because of their stupid questions and idiotic requests.
You can do everyone a favor and encourage your idiot coworker to find better employment.
Plus, you can have some fun, too.
1. Give them useless tasks to contain the damage.
You're on a team project but someone incompetent's on it? Send him on a wild goose chase - like researching a "competitor" without relevance to your market.
Paint it as an exciting and creative responsibility to help the team.
You're on a team project but someone incompetent's on it? Send him on a wild goose chase - like researching a "competitor" without relevance to your market.
Paint it as an exciting and creative responsibility to help the team.
2. Help them stay late after work.
When you give them the details on the project be very helpful and engaged, but omit a critical deliverable.
"Remember" it at the last moment or not at all before the team meeting.
When it comes up, be concerned and even more helpful.
When you give them the details on the project be very helpful and engaged, but omit a critical deliverable.
"Remember" it at the last moment or not at all before the team meeting.
When it comes up, be concerned and even more helpful.
3. Paint the job in a negative light.
Always talk about the job in subtly negative terms. Use every opportunity to encourage the idiot to leave.
How much you have to do, the long hours, the tedious reports, the slow promotions, the shrinking benefits.
Be truthful, but grim.
Always talk about the job in subtly negative terms. Use every opportunity to encourage the idiot to leave.
How much you have to do, the long hours, the tedious reports, the slow promotions, the shrinking benefits.
Be truthful, but grim.
4. Answer a different question.
Artie's come to you with another stupid question or complaint?
Answer in grave detail & with energy - just not what you're being asked. Volunteer to help him if he's got further questions.
Do this consistently and Artie's visits will get rare.
Artie's come to you with another stupid question or complaint?
Answer in grave detail & with energy - just not what you're being asked. Volunteer to help him if he's got further questions.
Do this consistently and Artie's visits will get rare.
5. Answer a stupider question.
When the irrelevant question comes up in a meeting, don't "misunderstand" but fixate on a simple & obvious aspect to make it look even dumber.
Use this model:
> How do we value the company?
- With a spreadsheet.
Appear helpful and concerned.
When the irrelevant question comes up in a meeting, don't "misunderstand" but fixate on a simple & obvious aspect to make it look even dumber.
Use this model:
> How do we value the company?
- With a spreadsheet.
Appear helpful and concerned.
6. Turn aside and start talking to someone.
Liz is asking the presenter something irrelevant again? Just turn aside and ask Jim the next question as if she never spoke.
If she's insistent, bounce the question to someone else to "help" her. Keep a shoulder turned away from her.
Liz is asking the presenter something irrelevant again? Just turn aside and ask Jim the next question as if she never spoke.
If she's insistent, bounce the question to someone else to "help" her. Keep a shoulder turned away from her.
7. Learn and practice the quickstep.
Always move with high energy and a big smile.
When you see an undesirable coworker in the hallway, say hello, shake hands firmly, even pat him on the back... and speed straight by.
You'd love to chat but you're in a hurry - as always.
Always move with high energy and a big smile.
When you see an undesirable coworker in the hallway, say hello, shake hands firmly, even pat him on the back... and speed straight by.
You'd love to chat but you're in a hurry - as always.
8. Dismiss requests by endorsing them.
When someone makes unreasonable requests, answer enthusiastically and vaguely without contradicting:
"We'll take care of it."
"That's easy to do."
"Don't worry about that."
My favorite: "Of course we should." (You never actually do it.)
When someone makes unreasonable requests, answer enthusiastically and vaguely without contradicting:
"We'll take care of it."
"That's easy to do."
"Don't worry about that."
My favorite: "Of course we should." (You never actually do it.)
9. Block drivel with interruption and interrogation.
This works great in meetings. If Jim keeps opinionating and dragging things out, start interrupting him and asking him questions. Invest in making things worse.
Do this a few times and your meetings will get shorter.
This works great in meetings. If Jim keeps opinionating and dragging things out, start interrupting him and asking him questions. Invest in making things worse.
Do this a few times and your meetings will get shorter.
10. Use your phone!
Casey is wasting your time with small talk and you can't flee? Stare at your phone. Write a message or an email while your at it. Or straight up call someone and start talking. Keep smiling while you do it.
If you pop a game on, you get bonus for brutality.
Casey is wasting your time with small talk and you can't flee? Stare at your phone. Write a message or an email while your at it. Or straight up call someone and start talking. Keep smiling while you do it.
If you pop a game on, you get bonus for brutality.
11. Ignore or shoot down any good ideas.
If an idiot has a good idea, that could only encourage him to have more stupid ones.
Make sure that never happens by sweeping any good ideas under the rug. Or use what you can without acknowledgement.
If an idiot has a good idea, that could only encourage him to have more stupid ones.
Make sure that never happens by sweeping any good ideas under the rug. Or use what you can without acknowledgement.
12. Keep inviting them to networking meetings and events, then canceling.
This will convince your moron colleague she has the worst karma in the world.
Invite her to drinks, dinners, meetings with the boss, clients, etc. Then cancel for odd reasons.
Something always comes up!
This will convince your moron colleague she has the worst karma in the world.
Invite her to drinks, dinners, meetings with the boss, clients, etc. Then cancel for odd reasons.
Something always comes up!
13. Seed chaos.
When a busybody is assigned to your team, interfere right back at him.
Ask questions and raise concerns about other projects he's working on. Bring up distractions, imagine problems, convince him to redo his other work.
That'll keep the monkey off your back.
When a busybody is assigned to your team, interfere right back at him.
Ask questions and raise concerns about other projects he's working on. Bring up distractions, imagine problems, convince him to redo his other work.
That'll keep the monkey off your back.
14. Rephrase with misunderstanding.
You never want this person to talk to you again? Simply repeat everything by rephrasing it into something that totally misses the point. Send a message that you're an even bigger idiot. Make it look like you don't even speak the same language.
You never want this person to talk to you again? Simply repeat everything by rephrasing it into something that totally misses the point. Send a message that you're an even bigger idiot. Make it look like you don't even speak the same language.
15. Confuse with vague instructions and deadlines.
You want to encourage someone incompetent to quit? Pile on new projects they don't know how to do.
Be vague and disengaged in your answers and instructions, but create a sense of urgency to jack up the stress level.
You want to encourage someone incompetent to quit? Pile on new projects they don't know how to do.
Be vague and disengaged in your answers and instructions, but create a sense of urgency to jack up the stress level.
16. Dismiss important topics that will blow up in their face.
Your boss suggests Doug should be trained to use the new accounting software, but you know he's hopeless with tech?
Say he can do the report on a spreadsheet instead and take a sick day.
Your boss suggests Doug should be trained to use the new accounting software, but you know he's hopeless with tech?
Say he can do the report on a spreadsheet instead and take a sick day.
17. Change the subject.
Simply ignore what idiots are saying. If they ask about the weather, start talking about sports. Pick subjects they know nothing about. Get boring, get detailed.
Share that story about your uncle who hanged himself. Make sure you're not pleasant company.
Simply ignore what idiots are saying. If they ask about the weather, start talking about sports. Pick subjects they know nothing about. Get boring, get detailed.
Share that story about your uncle who hanged himself. Make sure you're not pleasant company.
If you want to clean the human garbage out of your life, my daily emails can give you the right means.
Never let nonsense hold you back again.
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Never let nonsense hold you back again.
The full email goes out shortly - jump on the list right now.
startupdaemon.net/signp
