I know folks wanted to talk about #anxiety & #gradschool. I'm going to share some things that only close contacts know bc I think its important to discuss it openly. I've always managed with some anxiety since a young age but grad school & life brought things to a breaking point
Beyond the normal grad school pressures, I found myself leaving an emotionally abusive relationship, learning how to parent alone, and losing my mom, who watched my son while I did field work, to cancer. 
I suddenly found myself unable to do the fieldwork upon which my whole identity was built. The impacts from my relationship and the grief of losing my mother also made it really hard to trust myself to make decisions or take actions. My mental health took a nose dive & I froze.
I know these aren't typical circumstances but mental health issues in graduate students are. Almost 40% have symptoms of anxiety and depression. These issues are also not limited to students in #STEM . insidehighered.com/news/2018/03/0…
My anxiety manifests in ways you might not realize. I rarely have full panic attacks. Often I seem outwardly fine, but inside my brain is going a mile a minute. Sometimes my chest feels tight and I feel unable to move. It's hard for me to focus on work, especially writing.
The peer review process can be quite difficult for me. I've learned to not take things quite as personally but moving on from things I can't address is really hard. I have gotten stuck because of one comment for months before. I've found writing temporary silly responses helps.
The mere thought of taking quals would send me into a panic mode. And don't even get me started on those no context "We need to discuss something" emails. hahaha
These symptoms made it hard to find a new direction when I needed to. It made me embarrassed that I was "behind" which just made symptoms worse. Luckily I had a very understanding department and co-chairs and it made all the difference in getting me back on track.
