Thread by @politicalmablog

Twas the night before Christmas and at the @WhiteHouse
Not a creature was stirring, except for one louse.

His indictments were hung by the chimney with care,
It appears as Bob Mueller was already there.

THREAD 1/14

@FLOTUS was nestled all snug in her bed
While visions of divorce papers soon danced in her head

And Ivanka in her 'kerchief, and Jared in his cap,
Had just marked their spot on the big Saudi map

When on the front lawn there arose such a clatter,
Trump turned on @FoxNews to see what's the matter.

Away to the TV he flew like The Flash®,
Knocked down his putter and tripped over some cash.

The moon on the breast of the Fox Newscast hoe,
Sent a shockwave of lust to his mushroom below,

When what to his wandering eyes did appear,
But a miniature Mueller, the worst of his fears.

With his faithful old driver so quickly he picked ,
Trump knew in that moment he must try to think quick.

More rapid than eagles his indictments they came
And he cursed, and shouted, and called them by name:

Now Stormy! Now Cohen! Now Putin, that vixen
Oh come on, that's stupid, that's more than Dick Nixon!

To the top of the oval! To the top of TheWall®
I'll give cash away! Cash away! Cash to them all!

As Mueller stared him down with his big brown eyes
Trump met with an obstacle, caught in his lies

So onto the news shows the Trumps they all flew
With a slew of new tales and a press secretary, too

And then, in a twinkling, Trump heard on the roof
The dropping of papers that held all the proof

As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney came agents with a bound.

They were dressed all in black, from their head to their foot
And they told him not to move, to just stay put

A bundle of bribes they had flung on their back
And Trump looked like a wrestler just stomped on his sack

His eyes - how they crinkled! His dimples, stayed buried
His cheeks became flushed in an orange-ish cherry!

His droll little mouth was about to say "No!"
And the coke in his pocket was still white as the snow

The butt of a gun held right at his teeth
As the SWAT team encircled his head like a wreath

He had a red face, and his big-ass round belly
shook when he talked, like a bowlful of jelly

He was chubby and plump, in spite of himself
And he cried when they caught him, and took all his wealth

The wink in his eye was replaced with great dread
As surely he knew he would soon become dead

He spoke not a word but went straight to his cell
And the people were happy, he'd be living in hell

He then laid his finger aside from his nose
But forgot he couldn't have his Adderall, so his blood pressure rose

He sprang to his toilet, to his team he gave a whistle
But no one showed up, only a steak full of gristle

And I heard him exclaim as they turned out the light
Merry Christmas to all, you sure put up a fight!

MERRY RESISTMAS! #TrumpResign