Thread by @DavidPepper

The Night Before Christmas, 2018

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the land
All Americans were stirring
Because of one man.

The stockings were hung
By the chimney with care,
And hopes that 401ks
Still would be there.

The children were nestled
All snug in their beds,
While parents stared at each other Consumed with dread.

And Mama in her ‘kerchief
And I in my cap,
Had just settled down
For a long winter’s nap.

When, on twitter
There arose such a clatter,
I jumped on line
To see what was the matter.

Off to @realDonaldTrump
I flew like a flash,
Tweets came so fast,
Requiring constant refresh.

When, what to my horrified eyes should appear,
But a torrent of insanity
That stoked so much fear.

With a large orange tweeter,
So lively and sick,
I knew in a moment
It must be Donald and Mick.

More rapid than eagles
His rantings they came,
And he blurted, and whined,
And cursed them by name.

"Now Pence, now Portman
Now Ryan, and Neilsen,
On Mitch, On Mattis,
On Manafort and Mnuchin"

"To the top of the slats!
To the top of the wall!
"Now give away! Give away! Give away all!”

So up at the House
The lemmings they flew,
But the Marine dashed away,
keeping his integrity too.

And then in a twinkling,
I heard on the roof,
The cowering and bootlicking
Of each little goof.

As I drew in my head,
And was turning around,
Down the chimney Big Orange came
With a bound.

He was chubby and plump,
A right daft old elf,
And I laugh’d when I saw him
In spite of myself.

A glare of his eye
And a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know
I had much to dread.

He spoke not a word
But went straight to his work,
Tweeted away
Then turn’d with a jerk,

And sniffing and sniffing
And sniffing his nose
And giving a nod
Up the chimney he rose.

He sprung back to his phone
To his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew
Like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim
As he drove out of sight,
"I am alone here, poor me,"
May we get through the night.