Thread by @rascouet

This theory is based on my own observation of the US after 8,5 years of living here. So: anecdata.

One of the things that strike me most about its largest demographic (white people) is their profound insecurity. Which this sums up quite nicely (link: slideshare.net/junlibradilla3…):

This is, again, purely observational, but I have never, in my life, had to manage the way I behave and speak more than I have here, lest my style and ideas cause literal tantrums in my interlocutors. Not in the UK, not in France, not in Spain... Nowhere more than here.

There have been, of course, plenty of exceptions. But by and large, the self-management required to deal with Americans is OFF. THE. CHARTS.

Interestingly, this has been backed by research. A study I can't find right now showed that service industry employees in the US burnt out far more quickly than people in France because the French are not expected to manage their emotions for the benefit of others as much.

In France, authenticity is more valued than being polite. But what I have found is that this constant self-management is the perfect recipe for immediately losing your shit when the person in front of you isn't adhering to the social contract.

And this, I find, is doubled by something that is embedded in the DNA of U.S. culture: striving to always do better, be better, feel better. Striving for superiority.

I remember this period after POTUS45 took office, when hate crimes started to spike, and many white Americans were going "This is not who we are."

Which made both foreigners and POC fall over themselves laughing, because of course, this is exactly "who we are."

I kept asking myself, how much self-delusion is necessary to live in this sort of epic denial of one's identity and shortcomings... And then someone, I can't remember who, clarified it for me: "Our identity is shaped by who we aspire to be."

Why is true. And which, of course, institutes denial.

I see this at the collective level, of course. But I see this, day in, day out, at the personal level.

And it's specific to white people.

You teach people to focus on how they can be better than they are right now, or as good as who they think others are, and you are, essentially, creating an entire nation of insecure people who've never tended to their inner children.

Dare to challenge them, or even just to voice, directly, a different opinion, or give them facts that might challenge their understanding of the world or of themselves, and they crumble.

They make it personal. They attack. They melt down.

Time and time again, I kid you not.

It manifests in other ways: it makes them completely unforgiving with themselves and others. Holy shit with the self-righteousness, the holier-than-thou attitude, the expectations, the expressions of disappointment. Again, striving for superiority.

Here's a discussion I've had multiple times, with different people, and never in my life have I had it more than with Americans (when I mention to foreigners, their stance is the same as mine): expectations.

Your expectations, American friends. They are ruining your lives.

DO: have high standards. They are healthy.
DON'T: have expectations. They are toxic.

More than any other people I've known, white people in the U.S. need radical acceptance.

Without acceptance, self-love is impossible. Without self-love, you'll never solve the problems that plague you. As James Baldwin writes in "The Fire Next Time:"

Because it strives for superiority, white America (and in this, I include both sides of the political spectrum) is steeped in self-hatred. It makes you reactive, judgmental, delicate, and most of all, it pulls you further away from your goal, which is to be better.

It's ok, U.S. You're ok. You don't have to put yourself or other people down to hide your flaws. Do yourself and the rest of us a favour: relax.

By the way, on standard vs expectation. To sum it up: "one is fact, the other is fiction."
medium.com/@gilianortilla…

And here is the study on service employees in the US vs France I mentioned earlier, via @yenn who is a star: ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/16162…