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Alan's May Deal banter challenge. Going to play it safe, I really want to win this one.
My prediction follows.
My prediction follows.
May's deal comes up for a vote. Members cast their ballots, but above them, something vast and terrible moves.
Shadows the size of countries blot out the stars as the monstrous forms of Hive Fleet Behemoth ships settle into low orbit, the hideous spacefaring Tyranid lifeforms that make up their support and defense armada swirling around them like ERG Members around a BBC panel.
Londoners stare upward in shock and bafflement, as Economists for Free Trade frantically scramble to factor in the extra 6% GDP boost from aliens into their No-Deal Brexit model.
Like a hack spewing platitudes, the Hive Ships open city sized gullets and vomit forth a rain of car sized spores which cut through our atmosphere like the Bulldog Spirit through the realities of additional border paperwork.
Like trade experts fact checking a letter to the FT with a million views, the armed forces of earth mobilise too late and with little impact.
Anti aircraft fire lights up the night and spores explode in their hundreds. Yet for each that falls ruined to earth, a thousand do not.
Anti aircraft fire lights up the night and spores explode in their hundreds. Yet for each that falls ruined to earth, a thousand do not.
Emerging from the landed spores, life forms genetically bred only to kill and maim spread like an unstoppable virus through the city streets.
The Daily Mail's front page focuses on three Syrian asylum seekers who arrived by dinghy earlier that week.
The Daily Mail's front page focuses on three Syrian asylum seekers who arrived by dinghy earlier that week.
Hopelessly outmatched, the military fights a rearguard action, soldiers torn apart by blades of bone and tanks melting under the acidic bile of Tyranid bio-weapons.
Temperatures rise as alien terraforming microbes heat the oceans. Scientists note we'd have done that anyway.
Temperatures rise as alien terraforming microbes heat the oceans. Scientists note we'd have done that anyway.
All seems lost... And then the heavens open once more.
Like blazing commets the metallic forms of Space Marine drop pods light up the night.
Like blazing commets the metallic forms of Space Marine drop pods light up the night.
9ft tall, armored in powered suits of impenetrable cermite, men engineered to wage war across the stars emerge with a roar of weapons to throw back the alien filth.
Boris Johnson rushes to assure Britain he knows a little more about waging war across the galaxy than they do.
Boris Johnson rushes to assure Britain he knows a little more about waging war across the galaxy than they do.
Rallying around their saviours, humanity takes back their homes, house by house, street by street.
It is a generational struggle, and it is decades before the final Lictor infiltrator beast is hunted down in the jungles of Brazil.
Corbyn's position on Brexit remains unclear.
It is a generational struggle, and it is decades before the final Lictor infiltrator beast is hunted down in the jungles of Brazil.
Corbyn's position on Brexit remains unclear.
Then maybe like, Norway? Idk.
Sorry for being boring and playing the odds on this one Alan.
Sorry for being boring and playing the odds on this one Alan.
