,
34 tweets,
6 min read
Read on Twitter
HAMMOND: Dave
LIDINGTON: Phil
HAMMOND: Where's Theresa?
LIDINGTON: Still in 'Spoons
GRAYLING: Hello!
GOVE: <banshee wail>
HAMMOND: Jesus CHRIST
LIDINGTON: Your filter's off
GOVE: sORRy BetTER?
HAMMOND: Showtime chaps...
GRAYLING: To war!
<crash>
HAMMOND: That's a cupboard Chris
LIDINGTON: Phil
HAMMOND: Where's Theresa?
LIDINGTON: Still in 'Spoons
GRAYLING: Hello!
GOVE: <banshee wail>
HAMMOND: Jesus CHRIST
LIDINGTON: Your filter's off
GOVE: sORRy BetTER?
HAMMOND: Showtime chaps...
GRAYLING: To war!
<crash>
HAMMOND: That's a cupboard Chris
GOVE: oKAy. PAtcHINg yOU iN tO aN ELDriCH tHInkSPacE. ChECk iN
LIDINGTON: Here
HAMMOND: Yo
MAY: Here
GRAYLING: Cause we got a little convoy
MAY: Chris
GRAYLING: Rockin' through the night.
MAY: CHRIS
GRAYLING: What
MAY: We can all hear you
GRAYLING: Sorry
HAMMOND: Shh! Mufasa's up
LIDINGTON: Here
HAMMOND: Yo
MAY: Here
GRAYLING: Cause we got a little convoy
MAY: Chris
GRAYLING: Rockin' through the night.
MAY: CHRIS
GRAYLING: What
MAY: We can all hear you
GRAYLING: Sorry
HAMMOND: Shh! Mufasa's up
HAMMOND: What's Mufasa saying?
LIDINGTON: Something about airlocks
HAMMOND: I don't know I think it's a metaphor
LIDINGTON: For what?
HAMMOND: To be honest I don't think he knows. He's just stuck down that path now and is trying to wing it out.
GOVE: SouNDS fAMiLIar
MAY: Hey
LIDINGTON: Something about airlocks
HAMMOND: I don't know I think it's a metaphor
LIDINGTON: For what?
HAMMOND: To be honest I don't think he knows. He's just stuck down that path now and is trying to wing it out.
GOVE: SouNDS fAMiLIar
MAY: Hey
<EDITOR NOTE. THIS IS A LIVE THREAD. UPDATES WILL CONTINUE THROUGHOUT THE DAY>
LIDINGTON: Look out. Someone woke Hugo up
HAMMOND: The day was going so well
GRAYLING: Meow meow meow meow
MAY: Shit. Was hoping we'd get Swire through
GRAYLING: Meow meow meow meow
HAMMOND: Chris
GRAYLING: Meow me
MAY: CHRIS!
HAMMOND: Does we REALLY need him in this thinkspace?
HAMMOND: The day was going so well
GRAYLING: Meow meow meow meow
MAY: Shit. Was hoping we'd get Swire through
GRAYLING: Meow meow meow meow
HAMMOND: Chris
GRAYLING: Meow me
MAY: CHRIS!
HAMMOND: Does we REALLY need him in this thinkspace?
HAMMOND: "Luke! I am your faaaather!"
LIDINGTON: "Simba! All this will one day be yours!"
MAY: Guys. I'm trying to listen to Geoff
GOVE: "mY SoN. YoU WoULD pICk a wiFE frOM NeW YoRK?!"
LIDINGTON: Wait. What's that one?
GOVE: ComING tO AMeRIca
HAMMOND: GREAT film
MAY: guys please
LIDINGTON: "Simba! All this will one day be yours!"
MAY: Guys. I'm trying to listen to Geoff
GOVE: "mY SoN. YoU WoULD pICk a wiFE frOM NeW YoRK?!"
LIDINGTON: Wait. What's that one?
GOVE: ComING tO AMeRIca
HAMMOND: GREAT film
MAY: guys please
HAMMOND: You know what Cox is saying. That the latest EU letter isn't legally binding but it would be really, nice if the House pretended it was.
MAY: Well okay. But he says it prettier
HAMMOND: He can say it from the back of a Unicorn. The DUP will still think he's full of shit.
MAY: Well okay. But he says it prettier
HAMMOND: He can say it from the back of a Unicorn. The DUP will still think he's full of shit.
LIDINGTON: I think Cox is REALLY regretting that airlock metaphor now.
GOVE: i CErtAINLy aM
GRAYLING: I thought today was Brexit
HAMMOND: It is Chris.
GRAYLING: So why is everyone asking questions about airlocks now?
MAY: Because fuck. My. Life.
GOVE: i CErtAINLy aM
GRAYLING: I thought today was Brexit
HAMMOND: It is Chris.
GRAYLING: So why is everyone asking questions about airlocks now?
MAY: Because fuck. My. Life.
HAMMOND: Evans just said 'Sovereignty'. Who had that in the drinking game?
LIDINGTON: Fuck!
GOVE: iT'S aLRIghT foR YoU. I gOT 'baCKStOP'
MAY: Can you even process alcohol?
GOVE: nO. LUcKIly fOR YoU
LIDINGTON: Fuck!
GOVE: iT'S aLRIghT foR YoU. I gOT 'baCKStOP'
MAY: Can you even process alcohol?
GOVE: nO. LUcKIly fOR YoU
LIDINGTON: Ken Clarke's pissed off, isn't he?
HAMMOND: I'm not surprised. Normally he streams Fortnite at this time of day.
MAY: I feel a bit bad about that. But this was the only way I could get him worked up enough to chip in our side.
HAMMOND: Sneaky.
MAY: Thanks.
HAMMOND: I'm not surprised. Normally he streams Fortnite at this time of day.
MAY: I feel a bit bad about that. But this was the only way I could get him worked up enough to chip in our side.
HAMMOND: Sneaky.
MAY: Thanks.
HAMMOND: Cash is going off on one. 'Defending our democracy!'
LIDINGTON: The problem with Sir William is he thinks he's a real knight
HAMMOND: A knight of the bland table
MAY: Did he just plug his book?
HAMMOND: Yes
MAY: Any good?
LIDINGTON: It's like this but longer
MAY: Jesus
LIDINGTON: The problem with Sir William is he thinks he's a real knight
HAMMOND: A knight of the bland table
MAY: Did he just plug his book?
HAMMOND: Yes
MAY: Any good?
LIDINGTON: It's like this but longer
MAY: Jesus
GOVE: HeLLO ChAPs
MCDONNELL: Jesus Christ!
STARMER: What on earth?
GOVE: SeT YOu uP aN ELDriTCH thINKspACE. sEEmED oNLy faIR
MCDONNELL: Um. Thanks?
GOVE: nO PrOBlEM
STARMER: Um. Won't this mean you can read our thoughts?
GOVE: aW. It'S SwEEt thAT YoU thiNK i dON't dO THaT AlREadY
MCDONNELL: Jesus Christ!
STARMER: What on earth?
GOVE: SeT YOu uP aN ELDriTCH thINKspACE. sEEmED oNLy faIR
MCDONNELL: Um. Thanks?
GOVE: nO PrOBlEM
STARMER: Um. Won't this mean you can read our thoughts?
GOVE: aW. It'S SwEEt thAT YoU thiNK i dON't dO THaT AlREadY
STARMER: Benn's doing quite well here.
MCDONNELL: Yeah. He does a really good line in 'angry Pooh Bear'
STARMER: I see it more as 'disappointed Mr Barrowclough'. I think it's the jumper.
MCDONNELL: Fair point. He does look like Norman Stanley Fletcher just stole his bicycle.
MCDONNELL: Yeah. He does a really good line in 'angry Pooh Bear'
STARMER: I see it more as 'disappointed Mr Barrowclough'. I think it's the jumper.
MCDONNELL: Fair point. He does look like Norman Stanley Fletcher just stole his bicycle.
HAMMOND: Dom's up!
MAY: Dirty little traitor. Wonder if he's found Dover yet.
GRAYLING: Boooooo. BOOOO!
HAMMOND: This is an Eldritch thinkspace Chris. He can't hear you.
GRAYLING: Oh. Right. Yes. Sorry.
GRAYLING:
GRAYLING: Still though. Boooo!
MAY: Boo indeed.
MAY: Dirty little traitor. Wonder if he's found Dover yet.
GRAYLING: Boooooo. BOOOO!
HAMMOND: This is an Eldritch thinkspace Chris. He can't hear you.
GRAYLING: Oh. Right. Yes. Sorry.
GRAYLING:
GRAYLING: Still though. Boooo!
MAY: Boo indeed.
STARMER: Dom's making a big thing about creating a new world for his children
MCDONNELL: I can picture it now. Full Mad Max. "Dad how did we end up living on Leader Grayling's great truck caravan?"
STARMER: "Because sovereignty son. Sovereignty. Now eat your chlorinated chicken."
MCDONNELL: I can picture it now. Full Mad Max. "Dad how did we end up living on Leader Grayling's great truck caravan?"
STARMER: "Because sovereignty son. Sovereignty. Now eat your chlorinated chicken."
LIDINGTON: Oh hey it's Shailesh!
MAY: Who?
LIDINGTON: Oh come on! You must remember him
MAY: Nope.
LIDINGTON: Seriously?!
MAY: Wait. Devastating cuts to legal aid guy! The one who quit first!
LIDINGTON: That's him!
MAY: He's looking well.
LIDINGTON: Better than us.
MAY: Who?
LIDINGTON: Oh come on! You must remember him
MAY: Nope.
LIDINGTON: Seriously?!
MAY: Wait. Devastating cuts to legal aid guy! The one who quit first!
LIDINGTON: That's him!
MAY: He's looking well.
LIDINGTON: Better than us.
LIDINGTON: This amendment is terrible. Sir Edward Leigh must be the worst to play Dungeons & Dragons with.
HAMMOND: Done it. It's the worst. He tries to get clever with every rule
GOVE: I diSAPProVE oF d&D
HAMMOND: Good lord why?
GOVE: ApPRopriATEs mY cULture
HAMMOND: Fair point
HAMMOND: Done it. It's the worst. He tries to get clever with every rule
GOVE: I diSAPProVE oF d&D
HAMMOND: Good lord why?
GOVE: ApPRopriATEs mY cULture
HAMMOND: Fair point
MCDONNELL: I'm not really getting Twigg's point here: 'My constituents are a bit racist, so it's our duty to be a bit racist too?'
STARMER: I think that's pretty much it.
MCDONNELL: May's nodding
STARMER: This is my shocked face.
STARMER: I think that's pretty much it.
MCDONNELL: May's nodding
STARMER: This is my shocked face.
<EDITOR NOTE: WILL RESUME WHEN I GET HOME IN A BIT>
In the meantime you can buy me coffees if you like! 😜 ko-fi.com/garius
In the meantime you can buy me coffees if you like! 😜 ko-fi.com/garius
MCDONNELL: Okay. Now we're cooking. C'mooooon the Zen Jam-master
STARMER: Do you know what he's going to say?
MCDONNELL: No fucking idea. But as long as it doesn't include the word 'abstain' we won't get lynched.
STARMER: Do you know what he's going to say?
MCDONNELL: No fucking idea. But as long as it doesn't include the word 'abstain' we won't get lynched.
LIDINGTON: Corbyn is sounding surprisingly sane.
HAMMOND: God. what have we done.
MAY: I don't know but I don't like it.
GOVE: GiVE hIM tiME. Don'T PanIC
HAMMOND: God. what have we done.
MAY: I don't know but I don't like it.
GOVE: GiVE hIM tiME. Don'T PanIC
MAY: Which Brexit secretary is he talking about?
LIDINGTON: I legitimately don't know.
GRAYLING: Jon Pertwee maybe?
HAMMOND: That's Doctors, Chris
LIDINGTON: How many have we had?
MAY: Twelve I think
HAMMOND: No that's Doctors as well?
MAY: Really? Feels like twelve.
LIDINGTON: I legitimately don't know.
GRAYLING: Jon Pertwee maybe?
HAMMOND: That's Doctors, Chris
LIDINGTON: How many have we had?
MAY: Twelve I think
HAMMOND: No that's Doctors as well?
MAY: Really? Feels like twelve.
MCDONNELL: We're going for an election then.
STARMER: Yup
MCDONNELL: Despite the fact that we STILL have a less developed Brexit position than Lord Buckethead
STARMER: Yup
MCDONNELL: Great
STARMER: Yup
STARMER: Yup
MCDONNELL: Despite the fact that we STILL have a less developed Brexit position than Lord Buckethead
STARMER: Yup
MCDONNELL: Great
STARMER: Yup
LIDINGTON: Don't say Brexit means Brexit. Don't say Brexit means Brexit. Don't say Brexit means Brexit. Don't say Brexit means Brexit. Don't say Brexit means Brexit.
HAMMOND: Bet you a tenner she does
LIDINGTON: Can't she hear us?
GOVE: mUTed HeR
HAMMOND: Bet you a tenner she does
LIDINGTON: Can't she hear us?
GOVE: mUTed HeR
MAY: How did I do?
LIDINGTON: I think it went well.
GRAYLING: I liked it.
HAMMOND: You're still fucked.
MAY: Thanks Phil.
HAMMOND: Anytime.
LIDINGTON: I think it went well.
GRAYLING: I liked it.
HAMMOND: You're still fucked.
MAY: Thanks Phil.
HAMMOND: Anytime.
SPEAKER: LOCK THE DOORS!
GRAYLING: Oh no but I need the loo.
MAY: Oh for god sake Chris. Why didn't you go in break?!
GRAYLING: I didn't need to then.
HAMMOND: Oh my FUCKING God. You do this. Every. Time.
GRAYLING: I really need to go!
MAY: Well you'll have to hold it in now.
GRAYLING: Oh no but I need the loo.
MAY: Oh for god sake Chris. Why didn't you go in break?!
GRAYLING: I didn't need to then.
HAMMOND: Oh my FUCKING God. You do this. Every. Time.
GRAYLING: I really need to go!
MAY: Well you'll have to hold it in now.
HAMMOND: God I'm hungry. We doing 'Spoons again after this?
LIDINGTON: Depends on what time we get out.
SPEAKER: The ayes to the right 24 the nos to the left 600
LIDINGTON: Well I'm so glad we voted on that. Bloody Edward Leigh.
HAMMOND: Main motion time!
LIDINGTON: Depends on what time we get out.
SPEAKER: The ayes to the right 24 the nos to the left 600
LIDINGTON: Well I'm so glad we voted on that. Bloody Edward Leigh.
HAMMOND: Main motion time!
HAMMOND: Seriously though, has anyone got any snacks?
GOVE: hEre
HAMMOND: What is it?
GOVE: trUST mE
HAMMOND:
GOVE:
HAMMOND: No fucking chance.
GOVE: oH FoR GoD SAke. FinE. It's CoOP CHoRIZo CoRN
HAMMOND: Jesus Christ this is AMAZING
GOVE: IsN'T iT? IT's lIKe craCK fOR hIPStERs
GOVE: hEre
HAMMOND: What is it?
GOVE: trUST mE
HAMMOND:
GOVE:
HAMMOND: No fucking chance.
GOVE: oH FoR GoD SAke. FinE. It's CoOP CHoRIZo CoRN
HAMMOND: Jesus Christ this is AMAZING
GOVE: IsN'T iT? IT's lIKe craCK fOR hIPStERs
SPEAKER: LOCK THE DOORS!
GRAYLING: No wait I forgot to go again!
MAY: Oh for the love of...
HAMMOND: <crunch><crunch>
MAY: Wait, you're not going to say anything?
HAMMOND: <crunch>
MAY: Not a single swear?
HAMMOND: Seriously. These chorizo corns are AMAZING
GOVE: OmG arEN't ThEY?
GRAYLING: No wait I forgot to go again!
MAY: Oh for the love of...
HAMMOND: <crunch><crunch>
MAY: Wait, you're not going to say anything?
HAMMOND: <crunch>
MAY: Not a single swear?
HAMMOND: Seriously. These chorizo corns are AMAZING
GOVE: OmG arEN't ThEY?
MAY: Here we go...
SPEAKER: The ayes to the right 202. the nos to the left 432
LIDINGTON: Has ANY government ever endured a defeat on the floor of the Commons of more than 100?
HAMMOND: Nope
GRAYLING: Yes! We set a record!
HAMMOND: Not a good one Chris
GRAYLING: Oh.
SPEAKER: The ayes to the right 202. the nos to the left 432
LIDINGTON: Has ANY government ever endured a defeat on the floor of the Commons of more than 100?
HAMMOND: Nope
GRAYLING: Yes! We set a record!
HAMMOND: Not a good one Chris
GRAYLING: Oh.
STARMER: This is the bit where we call for the confidence vote we can't win isn't?
MCDONNELL: Yup
STARMER: Remind me what that achieves?
MCDONNELL: Precisely fuck all.
STARMER: Excellent.
MCDONNELL: Yup
STARMER: Remind me what that achieves?
MCDONNELL: Precisely fuck all.
STARMER: Excellent.
MAY:
HAMMOND:
MAY:
HAMMOND:
MAY:
HAMMOND: Chorizo corn?
MAY: Thanks.
HAMMOND:
MAY:
HAMMOND:
MAY:
HAMMOND: Chorizo corn?
MAY: Thanks.
....aaaaaand that's me done for now.
Hope this has helped keep some of you sane. Thank you for the positive comments. Don't forget, you can buy me a Coffee here (always appreciated!).
But now I'm going to go open a bottle of @AldiUK's finest Riesling! ko-fi.com/garius
Hope this has helped keep some of you sane. Thank you for the positive comments. Don't forget, you can buy me a Coffee here (always appreciated!).
But now I'm going to go open a bottle of @AldiUK's finest Riesling! ko-fi.com/garius
ADDENDUM: Oh yes, and if this is your first time reading one of these then pssssst: they start here!
