Thread by @JoannaFearless

Your gal Joanna is about to ramble a bit about a few emotional things on her mind, so there's a thread ahead...you were warned. :)

So the other day I hinted that I had given myself an actual date that I'd finally start coming out as trans to certain people close to me -- in this case my SO. What I hadn't hinted was that, some weeks ago, that date would be my birthday.

I know, I know, that could go south really quick and I'd always have a reminder either way. I've been willing to take that chance. Thing is, the time is getting short.

My birthday is on the 22nd, next Tuesday. Of course I'm freaking the hell out.

Thing is, it's not fear of the outcome that's bothering me. At least not entirely. That's part of it, but not all. I think my issue here is commitment. In years past I've been a chronic avoider, mostly of emotional drama and intense life choices.

I had few issues with getting married, moving across the country, getting a job I had zero background in, self-publishing my books. Those were all much-needed positives in my life so I didn't avoid them. They made my life so much better.

This...is different. This is me sort-of drastically changing who I am. For the better, sure, but still -- I've never gone this far with a life choice before, and doubt and disappointment are nipping at my heels trying to talk me out of it.

ANYWAY. My point here is that I'm scared af, but I'm also determined to see this through five days from now, regardless of the outcome. I've been 'hiding in plain sight' (as I've called it) for months now, slowly letting my feminine self emerge. I'm ready for this.

I wake up every morning now, still physically feeling and appearing as the Old Me, but in my head and heart I'm already Joanna, almost every second of the day. It feels so wonderful, so uplifting to feel this way after years of numbness and incompleteness.

I've no idea if the response of my loved ones will be surprise or 'yeah we kind of knew already'. I know nearly all my friends will be accepting, and that eases my mind.

Still, I'm terrified of taking this step. I have to take it, though. I have to face this last fear.

/End thread. Thanks for listening...so many of you here have been so helpful, supportive and lovely and I'm so glad I met you. 💜💙❤️

*deep breath*