, 11 tweets, 11 min read Read on Twitter
1. Don't worry about remembering teachers' names. Call all female teachers "love" and all male teachers "son", regardless of their age.
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
2. As well as asking for "ice-cold beer instead of that lukewarm water", ask for a bucket in case you "need to go" during your event.
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
3. If a laptop's been provided, pull out all the wires and stick it in your holdall before the event starts.
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
4. Ask to use "that big kid" as a foot-rest.
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
5. Sit with your back to the audience. Smoking.
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
6. Insist on PROOF OF PURCHASE before signing any books.
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
7. Tear up any paperbacks handed to your for signing and insist they "go back and buy a proper hardback, you cheapskate".
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
8. If anyone puts up their hand to ask a question, pinch your nose, point at their armpit and shout, "Haven't you heard of deodorant?"
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
9. If anyone asks a question WITHOUT putting their hand up, stick a finger in each ear, shout "I'M NOT LISTENING!" and then hum loudly.
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
10. Demand payment up-front, in used notes. No consecutive serial numbers.


#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
Now you can put your feet up and relax, and enjoy that #FridayFeeling. My #Fridaythought? That your #FridayMotivation is to find a sofa big enough - I'm 6ft 7in tall - and to settle down for the day.
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
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