Thread by @PhilipArdagh

TOP TEN TIPS FOR AUTHORS/ILLUSTRATORS VISITING SCHOOLS
1. Don't worry about remembering teachers' names. Call all female teachers "love" and all male teachers "son", regardless of their age.
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2. As well as asking for "ice-cold beer instead of that lukewarm water", ask for a bucket in case you "need to go" during your event.
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3. If a laptop's been provided, pull out all the wires and stick it in your holdall before the event starts.
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4. Ask to use "that big kid" as a foot-rest.
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5. Sit with your back to the audience. Smoking.
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6. Insist on PROOF OF PURCHASE before signing any books.
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7. Tear up any paperbacks handed to your for signing and insist they "go back and buy a proper hardback, you cheapskate".
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8. If anyone puts up their hand to ask a question, pinch your nose, point at their armpit and shout, "Haven't you heard of deodorant?"
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9. If anyone asks a question WITHOUT putting their hand up, stick a finger in each ear, shout "I'M NOT LISTENING!" and then hum loudly.
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10. Demand payment up-front, in used notes. No consecutive serial numbers.

That was No 10 in TOP TEN TIPS FOR AUTHORS/ILLUSTRATORS VISITING SCHOOLS.

#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust

Now you can put your feet up and relax, and enjoy that #FridayFeeling. My #Fridaythought? That your #FridayMotivation is to find a sofa big enough - I'm 6ft 7in tall - and to settle down for the day.
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