,
10 tweets,
2 min read
Read on Twitter
Okay, happy people, it's clear that some of y'all don't understand that Seanan Is Just Like That where waterfowl are concerned. So here are some educational offerings from me to you.
1. Fourth grade. I do not care for my teacher. My teacher does not care for the Canada geese who flock to the blacktop. I wait until she leaves the classroom for lunch. I prop the door with an eraser.
I spend my entire lunch hour calmly picking up geese from the lawn next to the blacktop, carrying them back to my fourth grade classroom, and putting them gently inside. None of them bite me. All of them are perplexed.
When lunch ends and the door is opened officially, my teacher is confronted with a meticulously assembled flock. She screams. The geese DESCEND.
No one ever proves I did it.
No one ever proves I did it.
2. College. I am bored in my marine bio course. I go down to the pond. I find a duck. I pick up the duck. I take the duck to class with me. Every day. For a semester. Me, and a big white duck who I eventually name "Thatticus." Thatticus goes on to graduate with honors.
3. England. I am bored in England. I go down to the canal and have a nice chat with a swan. My ride home wants me to leave. The swan is still being social. I shrug, pick up the swan, and carry him to the car, while he gently nibbles my hair. The swan is not allowed in the car.
4, Australia. I am bored in Australia, at a billabong in the Youyangs. I go to the water's edge, locate a swan, and am fascinated by its coloring. I pick it up and take it to show my tour guide. My tour guide makes an amazing "ahhhhhh" noise.
The swan is not bothered by being picked up, but is bothered by being "ahhhhh"-ed at. He pulls my hair. I bop his beak with one finger. He settles down and looks sheepish. I return him to the billabong.
5. Australia. A pelican tries to eat me. We shall speak no more of this.
So yeah, I am possibly a demigoddess of waterfowl, and I am not afraid of swans, because they love me, or are so baffled by me that it comes across as love. I am their manic pixie nightmare biped.
