Thread by @visakanv

One interesting personal definition of adulthood I’ve been toying with is: it’s when you reach a stage in your decision-making where you determine (and decide) that it’s better to decide than to not decide

When I was a teenager I think I was correct in determining that it was generally better not to decide, bc I couldn’t trust my decision-making

But once you cross a certain threshold of experience and understanding, this ceases to be true

[this only? applies to decision-avoiders]

Are there people who confidently make decisions from a young age? There must surely be. I imagine there is a different threshold for them to cross - maybe an inverse version, where adulthood is understanding when you *don’t* have to decide

Circling back it’s probably better framed as “better to take responsibility than to not”, but in practice I find the phrase “take responsibility” to be so nebulous and loaded. If you get it you get it, but if you don’t get it, it can be worse than useless

Adults: you need to take responsibility for your life

Teenage visa: wtf does that even mean

teenagers in my DMs: help,, life is so scary and overwhelming, and I am so stupid &worthless, just this useless sack of shit, a disappointment and failure to myself and everyone

me: eyyy. deep breaths bb. ❤️ first, try to stop beating yourself up. these are normal teen feelings

me: *gently* why do you call yourself that? [LISTEN]. what are you scared of? [LISTEN] what do you think might be a life that you enjoy? [LISTEN]

the listening is the important part. for kids to take responsibility for their lives they first need to hear themselves + be heard

they need to articulate their own fears&anxieties, their own self-concept, their own dreams and goals. and without the support of nourishing, kind adults, they will seek it anywhere they can find it – including "bad company", which always intoxicatingly appeals to yr independence

ultimately, to be sustainable – taking responsibility for one's life has to be rooted in self-inquiry. the person doing it has to want to do it for their own reasons. it shouldn't be something coerced via guilt or shame. that's prison logic; it's abusive & has far-reaching costs

IMO prison-logic parenting is a consequence of having been raised in and/or continuing to suffer in prison-type circumstances. parents who are anxiously struggling with debt&bills will surely struggle with being patient with their children. civilization's cruelty is bureaucratic