Thread by @nickimporter

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the concept of fandom.

Honestly, I was afraid to tweet too much about dogsledding on this trip. I was afraid it was too niche for most of my followers, but more so, I think I was afraid of being perceived as a superfan, a nerd, a sad, overenthusiastic fangirl on the sidelines.

Most of this stems from feeling a need to be taken seriously, both as a woman and as a person in the publishing industry. I am a Serious Writer. I'm the editor of a Serious Publication. Serious Writers and Editors tweet about Serious Things. They do not fangirl; they do not fawn.

And I care deeply about serious things. I write about serious things. I seek serious stories for publication. We must devote time, space, and energy to things that matter in this world; in a world of violence and hate, it feels irresponsible not to.

But I also care deeply, PERIOD. I am that friend who tears up in movie theaters, the one who sends emails with nine exclamation points, the one who jumps up and down and shrieks when you get a promotion.

I am sorry. I have tried to be more Serious. I have tried to process emotions silently. But that's just how I'm wired. I'm wired to feel things on a scale of 11, not 5. It's weird. It's looked down upon. It's weak. But it's who I am.

And the more I consider this weakness, this perceived flaw, the angrier I get. Why is it so foolish to give a shit about things that make you happy? Why do we roll our eyes at women who cry or shriek? When did feeling on a core & primal level become something to be ashamed of?

So finally, thank god, I had a revelation: Twitter, would you care if I decided to become a rabid Pats fan? Dressed up for all the games, painted my face, tweeted pics of me meeting Tom Brady?

Would you bat a damn eye if I decided to become a baseball fan, showing up at Fenway dressed to the nines in Sox gear?

You wouldn't. Because fandom in a wide, socially acceptable, traditionally masculine field is fine. It's normal.

It's when we attach ourselves to the fringes that eyebrows start to raise.

Football is hard. Basketball is hard. Tennis is hard. They're sports with hardcore, talented athletes, enduring hours of training and sacrifice to succeed.

So is dogsledding.

Did you know that mushing is one of the only sports in the world where women compete directly against men? Do you know most mushers pay for EVERYTHING – food, supplies, steep entry fees, etc. – on their own?

Mushing is NOT for people out for money and fame – the only people in the game are people who love it. Who couldn't imagine doing anything else.

I've had a few hardcore fan moments in my life. One was when I saw gold-medal ice dancers Davis & White compete at Nationals before the Olympics. They were the fastest, most fluid team I'd ever seen. Their sheer talent, moving across the ice like water, brought tears to my eyes.

Another was when I interviewed legendary author Mary Karr for @thewritermag. No other memoirist had struck lightning in my heart like she did – no one, that is, until I read Welcome to the Goddamn Ice Cube by @BlairBraverman.

When I met @BlairBraverman, the same thing happened. I melted. I teared up. Because Blair is such a tremendously gifted writer, with a book that struck a blow straight to my core.

And I know, I know: I work with well-known authors on a daily basis, right? I should have chill!

Spoiler alert: I had no chill.

I was the textbook definition of "no chill."

But some beautiful things happen when you have no chill: You fight tears, yep, but you also get hugs from people whose work has affected you on a deep, personal, and profound level. You meet wonderful, strong women who feel the same way you do.

You feel, for a brief, fleeting moment, like you're a part of something.

And that's a wonderful thing, isn't it? To feel like you belong? Like you're surrounded by people whose hearts beat a little faster for something just like yours does?

Coming to the Iditarod has been an emotional roller coaster ride.

But it's also a place where I've learned to say: Fuck you, world, it's OK for a woman to care deeply about something.

Even if it's not football, or baseball, or basketball. Even if it's something born out of and driven by rural communities, a category too frequently scorned by the majority. Even – especially – if it's something the rest of the country is unfamiliar with.

@BlairBraverman inspires me to be a woman with grit, with a backbone. She makes me feel like the impossible is possible. She reminds me to move through the world – even social media – with a kind and gracious heart. She reminds me that we don't have to be hard to be strong.

Frankly, who wouldn't want to be part of a community like that?

Final shoutouts to @QuinceMountain for being the most welcoming, friendly human I've ever met; to @JanaKay4 & Marc for putting up with me thanking them 100s of times for raising Blair, + @real_franico, @flyingleaps, @esp1371, + the rest of the #uglydogs for welcoming me. ❤️