Thread by @weirdnoirmaster

The planning meeting for the #BattleOfWinterfell had to have been a clusterfuck. #GamefThrones

"Okay, you know how we're trying to defend a castle?"
"One of those buildings specifically designed to withstand a siege?"
"Right. Bear with me but what if we... found them outside?"

"Ooo! That's good! I'll go one better?"
"We don't dig any trenches?"
"Love where your head's at!"

"We have a lot of cavalry."
"Think we should hold them in reserve? Have them ride in on a flank once the zombies are committed?"
"Better idea: We just throw them away in a useless charge."
"You're hittin' gold here! Gold!"

"We have these trebuchets."
"We're not besieging anything."
"Still, we have them."
"Okay, use them, but immediately stop when the cavalry's engaged. Then never use them again, even after the cavalry's inevitably wiped out."

"What about the Unsullied?"
"What about them?"
"Well, they're used to fighting in a phalanx."
"Right."
"What if we broke that phalanx up? Made sure they couldn't lock shields?"
"Ooo, that's good! They'll be useless!"

"Zombies are pretty mindless, right? Don't they just kind of sprint at the walls? Why don't we set up a line of sharpened stakes, and have our guys pick them apart with fire arrows?"
"Gods, who invited the narc?"

"I rethought the trench idea. Let's dig one, line it in sharp stakes, and fill it with pitch. Then we light it."
"Hang on... that sounds like a good idea."
"Wait, we dig it behind the lines."
"That's good."
"And we don't light it until after half our people are dead."
"Perfect!"

"You know how we've used burning pitch to defend the walls for centuries and that would be extremely effective against zombies?"
"Of course."
"Let's make sure we don't have any of that."
"Good plan. Gotta be sporting."

"You know, these things just run headlong. Sprint, even. If we strung ropes at about shin height just inside the gates..."
"Someone remove the narc!"

"Okay, guarding Bran. We have two choices. These guys who have been raised from birth as an impenetrable shieldwall."
"Sounds too effective. What's option B?"
"Six dudes with bows."
"...well, you know where my head's at."

"I totally forgot we had dragons!"
"Good point. Could you imagine if we'd put them at chokepoints and just had them roast whatever was funneled in there?"
"Ha! We'd win in seconds."

"Right, so let's just take them out of the equation. Let them do whatever. Maybe get lost. At some point Jon's gonna want to do his Leeroy Jenkins thing anyway."

"Remember that thing the Lannisters used that nearly took out a dragon? Think we should get one of those?"
"Nah. Better let the dracolich do what it likes."

"The Night King... is he a load-bearing boss you think? Kill him, kill the army?"
"Maybe. Why?"
"Well, we have the perfect bait. You think we should plan around that?"
"Gods no. Make that an afterthought. At best."

*After #TheBattleOfWinterfell*
"Just like we drew it up."
*the planners are unceremoniously murdered for reckless stupidity*