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1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 247 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr & Mrs Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. 
2. Last week, we treated the topic: “I’m a newlywed and I must say that after all the anticipation, sex is a let-down. It’s just boring and uncomfortable!” Missed it? Get it here: bit.ly/2Werfcb #MrMrsBetterHalf
3. This week, we will be discussing, “My boyfriend and my ex are chatting about me. Am I being used? Help!” This is a very tricky situation and women and men alike can find themselves in this situation. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. Let me ask you a few questions to establish some things. Was your boyfriend friends with your ex before you started dating him? #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. Did they go to the same school, work in the same company or have the same circle of friends? If they were already friends and they talk about you once in a while, that might not be too strange. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. There could have been an easy change of topic from something else to you being the subject of discussion. The issue, in this case, would then be what they are discussing about you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. What do they talk about? Regular stuff or particular emotional/physical things? Is the tone of their conversation condescending, disrespectful or neutral? Are they comparing notes? #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. If they weren’t friends before and are suddenly chatting about you, that’s cause for alarm because the intent is questionable. Is one trying to poison the other’s mind or they are making mutual snide remarks about you? #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. Ideally, they should have nothing to talk about especially as it concerns you. Who reached out to the other? And why would they do that? Is your boyfriend asking your ex questions about you or your ex is offering unsolicited gist? #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. Also, how did your relationship with your ex end and how did your new relationship start? If your last relationship ended on a bad note with bad blood and that ex is now talking to your partner, you’ve got to be very careful. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. For the purpose of this discussion, we’ll consider two scenarios: one in which they are/were friends and another where they aren’t friends. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. Scenario 1: your boyfriend and your ex are friends. If you started dating your ex’s friend, then you already set yourself up to be talked about and the likelihood that the new relationship will be troubled is high. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. Also, think about the motive of your new partner’s perspective. A guy will typically not date his friend’s ex if he truly respects said friend. So why did he choose to date you, and why did you choose to date him? #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. Generally, it’s a bad idea to date 2 friends in the same friend group unless it is for a very practical reason- e.g. genotype issues. That would be easier for the guys to move past because the reason for the break up was not emotional. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. Even then it is not always automatic that the guys will be fine; their relationship could still be strained. So if you can avoid dating multiple people in the same friendship circle, please do. It’s simply less messy. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. If they were friends but drifted apart, you might be safe if their reason for drifting isn’t you. The issues leading to the breakdown of their friendship would probably prevent them from talking at all, let alone talk about you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. On the other hand, if they are still friends yet you are not on good terms with your ex, you have an enemy in your camp. The bad blood from your ex can definitely poison their conversations. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. Regardless of the situation, you need to have a conversation with your current boyfriend so he knows you are uncomfortable with being talked about with your ex - even if the conversations are harmless. #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. In building a relationship, trust, discretion and loyalty are key. If he is serious about building a future with you, he should take your feelings into consideration. There are other things they can talk about that don’t involve you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. Scenario 2: your boyfriend and your ex are not friends. If they aren’t friends, it begs the question – why are they speaking? Are they speaking with your knowledge or secretly and you just happened on the conversation? #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. You need to have a conversation with your current partner to figure out what’s going on. You are not a news item that should be broadcast. If your boyfriend needs to know something about you, he should ask you, not your ex. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. Unless you expressly give him permission to contact your ex, he should not be delving into your past in a clandestine or secretive manner. Sin thrives in secrecy. Besides he should trust you enough to ask you first. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. Clearly, communicate the negative impact their discussions are having on you and your relationship. If he cares about you and your wellbeing, he won’t actively do things to make you uncomfortable or disrespect you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. Depending on how far along you are in your current relationship, if there are secrets that the ex is trying to use to sway your boyfriend, you should come clean with your boyfriend about such issues. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. Remove the power that your ex can possibly have in your relationship. You would rather come clean and deal with it with your current partner than living in fear of your ex using things against you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. However, if this is still a new relationship where such things are still too private to discuss with him, I suggest that you insist he cut ties with your ex and focus on building your relationship with you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. If he refuses to cut ties with a potentially poisonous ex, then at least now you know that he is not a person of good character. Better to leave the relationship than have someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. You should not spend your life with a disloyal partner who should have your back. You should be able to trust your partner and their intentions for you above all else. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. If you do decide to leave, take the time to heal and prepare yourself for someone that will really value you. You are worth it – don’t let a bad experience rob you of your value. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. Make this a learning experience. Don’t let it embitter you but rather let it mature you and make you a better person, that will go on to make better relationship decisions. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. It is good to learn from the mistakes of others but sometimes, we learn from our own mistakes too. Don't let it break you. Let it make you stronger. #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. I hope this has been helpful to you. I will be back next week with another topic. Until then, thanks for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
